So many things occur that no reasonable man could have expected. For example, in the not-so-distant past a federal minister claimed that the Baloch people have as much right to be corrupt as those of other provinces.
It does seem miraculous that this country has functioned without a government, amidst rampant corruption, an economic meltdown, double-digit inflation, record unemployment and an estimated 8,000 people committing suicide daily as well as frequent acts of terror for five years under the PPP’s regime and the twenty days Nawaz Sharif has been in office. Clearly, somewhere, somehow a divine hand must be at work because otherwise survival would have been impossible.
One explanation is that the vicissitudes through which this nation has passed has made us so inured to adversity that survival no longer poses a problem. We no longer need either government or regulation and all the other requisites of a functioning state including the police, law, order and justice. All of these can be dispensed with, as they mostly have. Indeed we have reached that stage of individual and collective autarky that few societies do. We look after ourselves from the cradle to the grave. In fact, it won’t be surprising if we are visited soon by would-be foreign PhDs for further research on their doctorate on say ‘the withering away of the state in postmodern societies’.
Whenever we ran out of enemies, or they became quiescent, we created our own enemies from amongst ourselves – and never more successfully so than today – thereby ensuring that we never let our guard down.
So much so that even though we are a bankrupt nation our battlements are in good order and the number of deliverable nukes have never been greater or more lethal. Our unique contribution to defence strategy was the notion that one way of defending a country was to retreat to another country and fight the enemy from there. It was called ‘strategic depth’. I speak of the past because after 65 years we stumbled on the truth that the doctrine was really a spurious one and should never have been adopted and that it was just as well it was never put to the test.
Another novel contribution to defence strategy has been the unique discovery that the best deterrent is to commit suicide. Tactically too, we are path-breakers. We have mastered the art of playing chicken. We take up our position in the middle of the road and dare anyone to displace us because that would be suicidal for both. As a result many do not, which we take as proof of our masterful tactics.
Another remarkable achievement for a relatively young nation is the manner in which we insist – and very successfully – that the world owes us a living. We have borrowed far more than we can ever pay back and yet such is the skill of our emissaries and their persuasive powers that the world’s coffers remain open. Money readily oozes out of them and when asked how these funds are to be spent we take umbrage even if we haven’t a clue. Presently we are in the midst of negotiations to secure more lucre and resent being asked, as we are being, to explain how we intend to pay it back.
Similarly, we insist on not taxing the rich – or not as much as we should – and as a result the poor, who we feel would not do anything but spend their money on themselves, are made to pay for the amenities that the rich also enjoy. This naturally encourages the rich to invest not in new plants and factories, where work is hard and investment risky but the stock exchange, stately homes and holiday travel without fear of being taxed. And to make sure the stock exchange won’t cause the rich any pain we look the other way as ‘insider’ trading flourishes and the market soars as family members sell shares to each other at hugely inflated prices.
We do not pay government employees liveable wages but we compensate for that by tolerating their corruption so that they can make up for it by other means, especially by fleecing the better off, although it is mostly the poor that end up paying the cost. However, this problem is being addressed by ensuring that the number of the poor decreases by dying of starvation, disease and, it is estimated, at the rate of 8,000 daily by their own hand. However, lest anybody complain that the numbers of Muslims are decreasing we have done away with population planning leaving that too in the hands of God.
But it is in the field of education that our achievement has been the most striking. We have tried hard to boost the illiteracy rate and nearly succeeded. The number of ‘ghost schools’ increases each time the government makes a greater allocation for the educational sector which, admittedly, is rare. In the schools that are visible, and are not being used to store the local landlord’s animal feed, teaching methods are novel. It often consists of the teacher telling his class ‘to read Chapter II’ of the textbook while he argues with the principal for his many wants. Of course, that can only happen when the principal is present in the school and not driving a taxi to make ends meet.
There is close supervision in the classroom with each pupil peeking at what the other is writing, especially during exams. To make it easy for those keen on getting degrees but who could not take time off to attend courses – given their burning desire to serve the people – we make it convenient for them to acquire their degrees free of learning or taking exams.
What is even more remarkable is the manner that we have taken to the doctrine of laissez-faire particularly in the treatment of women. They can be buried alive, murdered, tortured or whipped as much as the community leaders may wish. Of course, now and then they are called to account although there is little social stigma attached to such lapses which are explained away as part of the local custom. The errant ones can even aspire to join the federal cabinet and even for some of the highest posts in a province.
Minority communities too are let off lightly by not being made to pay jaziya and whenever a lynching of a minority community member comes to light the rest of the minority community is let off with a warning. Of course, the perpetrators of the crime are immediately arrested but, thankfully, almost immediately released.
And so, one can go on and on, pointing out why, but for the constraints of column space, were it not an act of God, no reasonable man could have expected that we would continue to thrive.
The writer is a former ambassador.
Email: charles123it@hotmail.com

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