DON’T MARRY SOFTWARE GIRLNever marry a Testing girl since she always doubts U .

Never marry a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.

Never marry a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.

Never marry a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.

Never marry a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.

Never marry a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.

Never marry a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.

Never marry a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.

Never marry a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.

Never marry a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.

Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY

MARRY A GIRL FROM A "HARD"WARE FAMILY , THEN........

Friends then what about this one:
When I told my mom that I wanted a professional woman as my wife, she
got me one; a Chartered Accountant.
She uses LIFO method while taking out the refrigerated food. She
thinks I am no good at figure work. Fine with me, for now she handles
the budget of the house.

Initially she used to send me a bill at the month end, but when I told
her that I am not her client but her husband, she asks for the money
in advance. The expenses had been rising steadily over the months, so
one day I snooped into the papers maintained in a current file.

No wonder! She was charging conveyance and overtime to the house
budget.

She is crazy, I tell her but she corrects me. "No my darling, I am the
auditor." I fail to see the light.

Every scrap of the paper in our house is filed.

She tells me as per some Ordinance she must keep a copy of every thing
for at least ten years before destroying it.

I am worried.

The other day we had an hour-long fight. Later, I got to know that she
had charged that hour to a client of hers, in the time sheet. My time
was put down as unoccupied.


She says that she loves me and I tell her that I love her too.
However, she never believes me. She says that there is
susceptibility of it being a misstatement. Duh! She wants my
representation on this & Expert opinion of some Expert!

Not a long time back my brother's wedding was to be solemnized.
Wedding cards had been sent. After some time I started receiving a
steady trickle of letters. I was puzzled until my wife explained that
external evidence was more reliable. She had called for confirmations
from all those to whom cards were sent.

When she cooks, my wife at times does not go by recipe. Where the
recipe says add half-teaspoon vinegar, one tsp black salt or one
teacup of water, she ignores them. She says that they are not material
when taken in context of whole meal being prepared.

She is crazy, I tell you. Surprisingly everybody calls her an auditor,
instead. I checked the dictionary and it did not state that auditor is
a synonym for crazy. The dictionary must be outdated.
When we got married, she had given me an Engagement Letter and I Had
said how cute-how sweet. Now she gives it to me every year saying that
her standards state that it must be sent anew if there is any
indication that I have misunderstood the objective and scope of
engagement. Huh!
Apart from sending me the engagement letter once again she says I
can't get rid off her just like that. She says that she has the right
of being heard before I appoint some one else.
It seems I must keep reading one local and another English newspaper
published and circulated in the vicinity of our house for more details.
Phew! For a minute, I thought that we had jeopardized our going
concern status. Duh! Dare I say so??
I am told by one of my female colleagues who is married to a CA that
the scenario is even worse when the guy is a CA.
Apparently he capitalized the wedding expenses as preliminary expenses
and is writing it off every year.
Also the time he spent dating his wife before marrying her is still
under consideration for valuation under AS-26...valuation of
intangible assets.

So guys please think twice....should u really marry a CA? And yes
please discount it by the appropriate rate to arrive at the present
value of the risk of doing so!!!

__________________
I don't give anyone a reason to HATE ME. They create their own drama out of PURE JEALOUSY...!!!

Have a laugh!

Wife: You see the man who is drinking right at the corner of the bar? He proposed me 10 years back, but I refused; he started drinking since that day.

Husband: Wow! Such long celebrations...



George and Laura Bush are on a private jet en route to a public speaking in Florida. After staring out of the window with a curious look on his face, Bush turns to Laura and says, 'Hey Laura, how about I throw a $100 bill out of the airplane and make a person happy?'

Laura replies, 'Well, why don't you throw two $50 bills out of the airplane and make two people happy?'

George W. thinks about this and replies again with excitement, 'I know what I'll do! I'll throw five $20 bills out of the airplane and make five people happy!'

The pilot turns around in frustration and says, 'Why don't you both jump out of the airplane and make the whole world happy?!'

__________________
Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice,
because the flow that has passed will never pass again.
Enjoy every moment of life.

I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.

Once, Newton came to Pakistan and watched a few Lollywood movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movies of Sultan Rahi(a punjabi actor), Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Sultan Rahi has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors cant be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Sultan Rahi is shot in the head. To everybodys surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured!

Long Live Sultan Rahi!

2) In another movie, Sultan Rahi is confronted with 3 gangsters. Sultan Rahi has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He shoots the bullet & throws the knife at the middle gangster towards the bullet. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Sultan Rahi is chased by a gangster. Sultan Rahi has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots,Sultan Rahi opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.Bang! the gangster dies.

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasnt changed. Oops, not so fast!

The climax finally arrives.

Sultan Rahi gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Sultan Rahi cant jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Sultan Rahi has to desperately kill the villain because its the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?) Sultan Rahi suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits suicide

Gabbar: Kitne admi they?

Sambha: Sardar 2

Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?

Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai

Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?

Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.

Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?

Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata

Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?


Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se barra hai.

Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna barra hai?

Samba: 2, 1 se 1 barra hai.

Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 barraa hai to 1, 1 se kitna barraa hai?

Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do.

Ramiz Raja to Inzamam:

Rameez:What do u say abt Woolmrs's muder:

Inzamam: Fist of all thanks to my Allah.And all the credit goes to boyzeezz ,all boys did well...

__________________
_____________________________________________

A Man Would Do Nothing,
If He Waited Until He
Could Do It So Well
That No One Would Find Fault
With What He Has Done.

MERI AANKHON KO SAPNEY PHIR DIKHA GAYA KOI
BUJHTI SANSOON MEEN MEHAK PHIR JAGA GAYA KOI
KIYA YEH SUCH MUCH PIYAAR HEY????
YA PHIR SEY TOOPI PEHNA GAYA KOI?


-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher asked all students to write an essay on the topic "A Poor Family".
One student gets the lowest marks for writing that essay.
The student happens to be the richest girl in the entire class,
and her essay goes on as.......

She wrote:
Ek baar ek bahut hee gareeb family thi,
husband aur wife dono gareeb they,
do bachey they, woh bhi bahut gareeb they!!

Ghar ke saare naukar bhi gareeb they,
ghar ka maali, driver, aur guard bhi bahut gareeb they.
Ghar ke 4 kuttey bhi gareeb they, 2 din sey chicken nahi khaaya tha.

3 mercedeez cars thin, unki bahut time se servicing nahi hui thi,
ghar ka A.C bhi theek nahi chalta tha,
aur uppar se ghar mein 1 saal se paint nahi hua tha!!

Family ko holiday ke liye foregin country gaye bhi 6 mahiney ho gaye they,
Ghar ke 5 mein sey 2 TV to chaltey hee nahi they....

All in all, bahut hi gareeb family thi....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chacha wardi pai rakh
Kom noon thalley lai rakh
Chor lotery aasey pasay
Kher kher niklan tere hasay
Awam dey palley kuj na kasey
Kom noon inj satai rakh
Chacha wardi pai rakh
Char chaferay foji dissan
Wardi waley hasan wasan
Log awam roti noon tarsan
Tandoor zulm da tai rakh
Chacha wardi pai rakh
Danggar chor tere ne sajjan
Aggey pechey nassan bhajjan
Kom noon kha k vee na rajjan
Moran tey chor bethai rakh
Chacha wardi pai rakh
Naal tere seyasi beupari
Shuja'at,mushahid, farooq lughari
Sheeda talli,peja patwari
Kanjran noon yaar banai rakh
Chacha wardi pai rakh
Yaari bush de naal nibhai
Kom de muhn tey kalak lai
Aapey keeti jag hunsai
Sooli tey kom charhai rakh
Chacha wardi pai rakh
Apney bandey aap marwa k
Mawan de puttar gheyb kara k
Islam de na tey dhabba la k
Dozakh aap kamai rakh
Chacha wardi pai rakh

__________________
ஜ иστнιπg ιš ιмթΘรรιвlε тσ α ωιℓℓιиg нєαят ஜ

A good laugh!


Waiter, what’s that fly is doing on my ice-cream?
Learning to ski sir!

What’s the soft thing between sharks teeth called?
Slow swimmers.

Mother to the boy: Why did you eat the money I gave you for lunch?

Boy: you said that it was my lunch money...

__________________
Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice,
because the flow that has passed will never pass again.
Enjoy every moment of life.

I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.

what u call a wife who is ....

beautiful
intelligent
humrous
understanding
loving
caring
never jelous and a
great cook ?????

Answer : A RUMOUR !

__________________
" Woods are lovely dark and deep But i have promises to keep And miles to go before i sleep "

God made men and then rested

God made women and then no one rested ................................!

__________________
" Woods are lovely dark and deep But i have promises to keep And miles to go before i sleep "