Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.

Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, "Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved."

All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.

Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.

After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Pathan came forward near the railing and chanted,

"Allah-u-Akbar"

And Kicked the Indian standing next to him in the sea.

************************************************** ********

Tumse mila main kal to,
mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho:
Your file not found!

Aisa bhi nahin hai ke,
I don't like your face
Par dil ke computer mein,
nahin hai enough disk space

Ghar se nikalti ho tum jab,
pehen ke evening gown
Too many requests se,
ho jaata hai server down

Tumhaare liye pyaar ki application,
create main karoonga
Tum usse debug karna,
wait main karoonga

Tumhaara intezaar karte karte,
main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection,
time out ho gaya.
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Musharraf comes to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee says to Musharraf: "Well Parvez, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant." "How do you know?" asks Musharraf "Oh well, it's simple", says Atal. " They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second".

He calls Advani over and asks him "Tell me Advaniji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "Ah, that's simple", says Advani, "it is me!" "Well done Advani", says Vajpayee and Musharraf is very impressed.

He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet. He calls in his favourite member of cabinet and asks: "Tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister? " He thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. "Can I think about it a bit further Sir? May I let you know tomorrow? ". "Of course", says Musharraf, "You've got 24 hours."
He goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knows the answer.Twenty hours later, the member of Musharraf's cabinet is very worried-still no answer and only 4 hours to go.

Eventually he says to himself: "I'll ask Bill Clinton, he's clever, he'll know the answer." He calls Clinton. "Mr.President", he says, "Tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "Very simple", says Clinton, "It's me!"
"Wonderful!" says the Cabinet member and hangs up. Jumping with joy realizing that he knows the answer, he rings Musharraf. "Sir, I've got the answer!".

"What is it?"

"It's Bill Clinton".

"No, you idiot", says Musharraf, "It's Advani

One day our beloved president Musharaf was traveling by his car for his campaign to a village. Suddenly a puppy came before the car. The driver couldn't hit the brake at the right time and unfortunately the baby dog was killed in the accident.



At the sight Musharaf was deeply moved and felt very upset. He called thedriver and said,'Jiska ye kutta hai mein usko compensation dena chahta hoon. Usko dhund ke lao'.



At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after
some time with a fine new suit on his body, garlands and Mala around his neck and lots of money in his hands!!!



Musharaf was surprised. He asked,'Mein ne tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye aao, aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! Baat kya hai?'



At this the driver replied ' I told them about the incident. Hearing it
they were rejoiced, gave new suit and garlands on me, then danced for some time and gave this money.'



Musharaf then asked him 'Tum ne unko exactly kya bola tha?'

The driver replied: '*Main bola, mein General Pervez Musharraf ka driver hoon, maine kuttay ke bachhe ko mar dala hai..........'

__________________
Never Surrender.

some leave letters and applications...

Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
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De-Morgan's Law,
Binomial Avenue,
United States of Matrices.

My Dear Love,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around you
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote “DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!“
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Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Sardar:- why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....
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What does a sardar do after taking a xerox copy?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
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Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop. Sardar says: Drink quickly.
Wife asks: why?? Sardar says: hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10.
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Sardar“s wish: when i die, i wanna to die like my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving....

Do you know ABC ?

A for apple.

B for bada apple.

C for chhota apple.

D for dusra apple.

E for ek aur apple.

F for fokat ka apple.

G for gol apple.

H for hazar apple

I for itney saarey apple?

J for jaao nahi khaana hai apple

K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple

L for lena padhega tumko apple

M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple

N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple

O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple

P for peth bhar khaao apple

Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple

R for roz agar khaao tum apple

S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple

T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple

U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple

V for very tasty hai yeh apple

W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple

X for X'mas mei bhii khane padenge apple

Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple

Z for zaraasa aur khaalo apple



__________________________________________________ __________

Aik baar kuch Larkoon ka aik Angraiz say samna howa.Aik larkay nain Angraizi main baatein karni shuro kar deen.Angraiz nain usay Thapar maar dala.dosray larkay nain marnay ki wajah pochi to angraiz nain jawab dia.Is Liay Mara k ager itni hi Angraizi aati hai to America kyoun nheen chlay jatay?




__________________________________________________ ___________


Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

********

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

********

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

********

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RIIIINGIIIINGGGG.

********

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

__________________
ஜ иστнιπg ιš ιмթΘรรιвlε тσ α ωιℓℓιиg нєαят ஜ

Judge: to man, " Why u want divorce"
Man, " main apni biwi sy khush nahi hon.
Judge: to Wife, " is it correct..
Wife, '' Sara muhallah khush hy , bus aik isi ko takleef hy,
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aik sardar G, on a cycle, accidently hits a Lady.
Lady, Wey anneya! Brakan nai mar sakda see,,
SArdar G, Sohneyo! Poori cycle jo mar ditti aey.
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Molvi ki girl friend molvi sy milny na aie,,
molvi intazar karta raha, aur phir masjid main gya, speaker on kia aur bola
" HAZRAAAT CHANGI NAI KITTI"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
AIK ADMI APNI BIWI SAY: YEH TUM NY AJJ KAISA KHANA BANAYA HAY, BILKUL GOBAR JAISA.

BIWI: YA-ALLAH ISS BANDY NY KIA KIA CHAKH RAKHA HY

¦~Wash Basin~¦

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks himPrahji aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the Sardar repliesOye tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai Wash Basin.

__________________________________________________ _______________


¦~True love story~¦

There was a mosquito and a dog who loved each other a lot………..
One day the mosquito got excited and gave a love bite to the dog……..
The dog became emotional and returned the love bite to the mosquito…….
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The next day………………….
Mosquito died of rabies and dog died of malaria………………..
What a touching story………………………..!!!!!!


__________________________________________________ ______________

¦~Advice~¦

One day little Sue was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, “That’s because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
The next day, Grandma was over at Sue's house for lunch. After a while she groaned and when Sue asked her what was wrong, she replied, "Nothing honey, my head hurts, that's all."
"That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it," came Sue's quick advice!





__________________________________________________ _____________

__________________
ஜ иστнιπg ιš ιмթΘรรιвlε тσ α ωιℓℓιиg нєαят ஜ

Ik Aadmi ne kaha: "zindagi se tu moat hi acchi".

Aik dam Izrayel aa gae aur kaha "Tumhari jan nikalney ka hukam hua hai"

Aadmi bola: "Lo daso! hun banda gal v na kare"!!!

__________________
I don't give anyone a reason to HATE ME. They create their own drama out of PURE JEALOUSY...!!!

A Sardar Was Going On The Top Of The Hill With A Book.
Sardarni Shouted Where Are You Going ?
Sardar: Don't Disturb Me, I Am Going For Higher Studies.





A Punjabi Woman To An English Doctor In London Telling Him About Her Ill Child .
My Baby Is Ill Ik Week Da,
Na Eat Da Na Sleep Da,
Bas Weepda Te Cheekda....






A Son At College Wanted More Money
He Sent A Telegram To His Father
" No Money "
"no Fun "
" Ur Son "
The Father Replied
" How Sad "
" Too Bad "
" Ur Dad "





Wo Ankh Bht Pyari The Jo Hum Ne Usy Mari The.
Wo Jooti Bht Bhari The Jo Us Na Hamy Mari The.
Hum To Muft Mai He Pit Gay Ghalib.
Hamain To Ankhon Ki Bemari The.

__________________
''Surely with every hardship there is relief'' (The Holy Quran 94:6)

ladkiyoun ...ki kahani
If v treat her nice she says "yaar mujhe line de raha hai"
If v dont she says "kitna akarta hai"
If v dress nicely she says "mujhe impress karna chahta hai"
If v dont she says "tasteless hai yaar"
If v argue with her she says "ziddi hai"
If v sit quietly she says "dumb hai"
If v act smarter she'll lose her brain as u r insulting her
If she acts smarter she thinks its her right
If v dont love her she says "is ka to pehle se hi 2,3 ladkiyon ka saath chakkar hai"
If v love her she says "peechhe hi pad gayaa hai"
If v dont tell her ur prob she says " u r not honest 2 me"
If u do tell to her she says "u r a problem child"
If v scold her she says "you act like a grandpa giving lecture"
If she scolds us she says "Yaar, its becoz i care"
If v break a promise she says "She does not trust u any more"
If she breaks she says "jaan main majboor thi....
ladkiyan re ladkiya . .
bechare boys itna sab sehke b chup chap rehte hai

__________________
No matter how fast i run or how far i go it wont escape me, pain, misery, emptiness.