A drunk had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the pub is closing. So the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face.

He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his home.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the
second his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, So, you've been out drinking again!"

"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.

"The pub called...you left your wheelchair there again."
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George Bush goes to a school George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is."Bob"."And what is your question, Bob?""I have 3 questions.

1st, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? 2nd, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And 3rd, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right — question time. Who has a question?"A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?" "I have 5 questions. 1st, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? 2nd, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? 3rd, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?
4th, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes earlier? And 5th where is Bob?

Sharabi ne Doctor se puchha-Aap meri sharab chuurva sakte ho? Doctor-Han kyun nahi. Sharabi-Toh Punjab Police ne meri 200 bottle pakri hai. Pls chuurva do

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Truth is the most powerful force on earth because it can not be changed. (Mike Murdock)

2 Sardar Searching For Their Lost Wifes
1st: How Does Ur Wife Look Like?
2nd: Beautiful , Bold, Tall, Blue Eyes. What About Urs ?
1st : Meri Nu Maar Goli, Chal Teri Labiye .......
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .........................................

Wife:

India Jao To Saarhee Bhejna,
Dubai Jao To Jewerly,
France Jao To Perfume....

Husband Ne Jal K Kaha,

Or Dozakh Mai Jaon To Kia Bhejon ?

Wife:

Apni Video.....
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .........................................

ATTENDENCE IN ZOO.....
LOMREEH?

YES SIR

BHALOO?

PRESENT

BANDAR

HAZIR JANAB

DONKEY ?
DONKEY ?
DONKEY ?



OOYE MESSAGE BAAD MAIN PARHNA PHALY ATTENDANCE LAGWA LO.......

__________________
''Surely with every hardship there is relief'' (The Holy Quran 94:6)

Question: "What proof do you have that Iraq has Weapons of Mass Destruction?"
Colin Powell: "We kept the receipts."

__________________
Regards

Aarwaa

Pakistan is ruled by three As - Army, America and Allah.

Santa: Yaar main apni girl friend nu ki gift devaan?
Banta: Diamond da haar day da.
Santa: Na koi aisi cheez das jari oss nu kadi kisi na diti hoe.
Banta: Phaa’nsi day de!!!
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Faqeer: babu 10 rupaaeey day do chai peenee hai.
Babu: Per chai tu 5 rupaaeey ki hai.
Faqeer: Wo babu! Girl Friend bhi sath hai na...

__________________
I don't give anyone a reason to HATE ME. They create their own drama out of PURE JEALOUSY...!!!

Imran remembers when his sister had a big fight wid her huzband and came back to family home. She said," Ammi, I'm teaching Ali a lesson. I'm coming to live wid u." Mother said, " If u really want to teach him a lesson, you go home and I'll come to live with u."
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Aik Amerian, Russian aur French Jannat ka gate pa milay...... our aik dusray sa batain karnay lagay.... jald hi saab ko pata chala ka saab ki death ki waja car accident ha...
American na kaha," Main 100 Km/h k speed sa car chala raha tha ka tyre phat gaya our...... main..... yahan"
"Main River Seine ka kinaray apnay girlfriend ka sath khara tha ka Car ka brake fail hogayee...our main........" French na kaha....
"10 saal tak" Russian na kaha " main car khareednay ka liya paisay save karta raha our main.... faqoon (starvation) sa yahan...."
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A Father who wants his children to get an education these days may have to pull a few wires...the television wires, the hi-fi wires, the radio wires and computer wires...
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Two little guys were talking to each other:
"My seventy five-years old grand father gets up early every morning to jog five miles."
"Thats absoultely fantastic!" Said the other little one "What does he do in the afternoon."
"The last mile" replied the first one"
__________________________________________________ ________________

Father na son ka poor result reports dekh ke kaha:
"Aik baat yaqeeni (sure) ha keh in grades main tum na CHEATING bilkul bhi nahi ki"
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Hollywood ke 2 stars aik Psychiartist ke clinic ke door pa aik dusray sa takra gayee....
"Hello, Kia tum andar arahay ho ya phir bahir ja rahay ho?" aik na dusray sa poocha.
"Agar mujhee maloom hota tou kia main yahan hota" dusray na Jawab diya

Macher aur Makhi Ke Hogai Shaadi. Pehli He Raat Mai Hogai Barbadi.Macher ki to Kismaat He Khoti the............. Makhi Mortein Laga ka Soti the




Ek chor reha hone se ek din pehle dosre se!
Tm reha ho kr sub se pehla kam kya karo ge
Dosra chor mai ek torch kharedun ga q k pichly dafa me ne andhairai mai bijli ke bajaye radio ka button on ker deya tha... ;->




SARDAR:: Beta ye kaisi machis lay kar aaye ho ek bhi nahi jal rahi
SON :: kya baat kartay ho pappa sub check kar kay laya hoooon

__________________
Jo ALLAH karay c .. o sohna karay c
jab bhi kaam aaya mera PARVARIGAAR kaam aaya

Tum pas aae.yon mukarae.
Apne batis dant muj ko dikae.
Dekh k mera dill
phoot phoot rota hai.
yar tum se ik brush b
theek se nehin hota hai :-(
---------------------------------------------------------
Q: Aik Over Mein Kitni Balls Phenki Jaati HaiN?
Kya Kaha..6?
Sorry
Aik Over Mein Aik He Ball 6 Baar Phenki Jaati Hai.
Aaye Baray Cricket k Shoqeen ;->

__________________
Jo ALLAH karay c .. o sohna karay c
jab bhi kaam aaya mera PARVARIGAAR kaam aaya

MBA vs BE Student joke

An MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep. Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend. " look up at the sky and tell me what you see." The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Practically. ..Someone has stolen our tent".
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Emergency Landing!

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our
engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.

Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"

"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks.

"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls
away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"

Rajiv answers, "They'll find us!"
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Beware of names

William Knott : Who's calling?
The answer to the telephone.
Watt : Watt.
William Knott : What is your name, please?
Watt : Watt's my name.
William Knott : That's what I asked you. What's your name?
Watt : That's what I told you. Watt's my name.
A long pause, and then from Watt,
Watt : Is this James Brown?
William Knott : No, this is Knott.
Watt : Please tell me your name.
William Knott : Will Knott.
You left the talkers at a point here they were totally confused, read
the rest of what happened….
Watt : Why not?
William Knott : Huh? What do you mean why not?
Watt : Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?
William Knott : But I told you my name!
Watt : Didn't you say you will not?
William Knott : Not not, Knott, Will Knott!
Watt : That's what I mean.
William Knott : So you know my name.
Watt : Of course not!
William Knott : Good. So now, what is yours?
Watt : Watt, Yours?
William Knott : Your name!
Watt : Watt's my name.
William Knott : How the hell do I know? I am asking you!
Watt : Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have not even told me yours yet.
William Knott : You have been patient, what about me? I have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told me yours yet.
Watt : Of course not!
William Knott : See,you even know my name!
Watt : Of course,not!
William Knott : Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?
Watt : Because I don't.
[ Pause ]
William Knott: What is your name?
Watt: See, you know my name!
William Knott: Of course not!
Watt : Then why do you keep asking Watt is your name?
William Knott: To find out your name!
Watt: But you already know it!
William Knott : What?
Watt : See, and you know mine!
William Knott: Of course not!
Watt: Exactly!
Now they are at a point where both think the other knows their name,but they themselves don't know the other's name.
William Knott : Listen, listen,wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will be your answer?
Watt: Watt's my name.
William Knott : No, no give me only one word.
Watt : Watt
William Knott : Your name!
Watt : Right!
(Pause before it hits him)
William Knott : Oh, Wright!
Watt : Yeah!
William Knott : So why didn't you say it before?
Watt : I told you so many times!
William Knott : You never said Wright before.
Watt : Of course I did.
William Knott: Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?
Watt : I do not.
William Knott : Well, there you go, now we know each other's name.
Watt : I do not!
William Knott : Good!
(Pause before it hits him)
Watt : Oh,Guud!
William Knott : Good.
Watt : No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?
William Knott : No, it's Knott!
Watt : Oh Ok. Atleast the names are clear now Guud.
William Knott : Yes Wright.

__________________
__________________________________
nahin nigah main manzil to justaju hi sahi
nahin wisaal mayassar to arzu hi sahi

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'

Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Letter from mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

__________________
__________________________________
nahin nigah main manzil to justaju hi sahi
nahin wisaal mayassar to arzu hi sahi