i got 20 in ce 2015 this is my first attempt i think the knowledge and the art of presenting it make successful

Cogito. This looks like the perfect apology that FPSC needs. Your arguments don't add up. You're just being too generous... If everyone is supposed to keep things so simple, then essay would not be a problem for the majority.

And what's more! Tupac has cleared it. The argument he has offered is quite sophisticated (again) and I am sure he's as handicapped in writing simple English as any popular member of this forum is.

Thank you very much for such a useful post. It's definitely enlightening. But the accusations you're hurling on our friend, Cogito, seem not to have any basis. I am sure he must have attempted a very, very balanced essay.

I think the comments on your essay by the member above are right. To add to it, I think it is too descriptive. It's not argumentative. It's not critical (google critical writing). How much did you score my friend?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aik Admi Cogito. This looks like the perfect apology that FPSC needs. Your arguments don't add up. You're just being too generous... If everyone is supposed to keep things so simple, then essay would not be a problem for the majority. And what's more! Tupac has cleared it. The argument he has offered is quite sophisticated (again) and I am sure he's as handicapped in writing simple English as any popular member of this forum is. Thank you very much for such a useful post. It's definitely enlightening. But the accusations you're hurling on our friend, Cogito, seem not to have any basis. I am sure he must have attempted a very, very balanced essay.

@Cogito As much as I was saddened to learn about your result, I think it's only right to honestly tell you that you did in fact fall short in your essay. I base this opinion over your ^ post. And here is how:

Firstly, the handwriting. It goes without saying...there is absolutely no leniency for bad hand writing what so ever (Having taken your 'not good writing' as bad). Acknowledging that fact, i must also add that what may have seemed legible to you may not have seemed so with the examiner. It may have..but again, it might possibly also have put him off. With all the teachers I have interacted thus far, be them in Pakistan or abroad, or from school teachers to university professors...It only makes their life tougher..and that is where they choose to make it a lot ''easier'' since they have that discretion, which in case of CSS goes unquestioned. Facilitation is ''key''!

As for your interpretation of the topic, I would again disagree. Not because you misinterpreted but overly-interpreted (given that we have CSS under discussion). In such cases, there again is a pre-emptive option. And that is ''To list all assumptions before you build your case/thesis on their very basis'' - assuming you didn't list any (neither mentioned them ^ )

As for your third reason, I need not delve in to it. You were already warned much MUCH before by someone who spoke from experience. Rudimentary, rather elementary and simple language is what's needed. And shorter sentences.

In the last case, I believe you made a big blunder! The title of the essay explicity mentions ''Global WOT has contributed to growing abuse of human rights''. How I feel you should have tackled it? Let me put forth a few questions I believe pertinent and very relevant to the topic, and what should have comprised the content of your essay.

Has the WOT contributed to increasing abuse of HR? Yes/No (Thesis)

How has the WOT contributed/not contributed to increasing abuse of HR?

IF contributed, Examples...which Tupac aptly stated.

IF NOT contributed, then its presumed impacts in brief

From above, What then has contributed to abuse of HR?

And your Conclusion

These would've met the word count. The IF/IF NOT portion would've (if opted) enabled you to discuss (like FOR/AGAINST).

Compare it with Tupac's essay. In stead of keeping, I believe, so academic about the essay, I think you should have kept it simpler. Not even our PhD professors are this analytic about their own research papers.

I couldn't agree more with your take away message doc. It is PERFECTLY, HOLISTICALLY applicable to CSS essay. It has it's own approach. And I'm afraid this is exactly what is expected of you.

@Aik Admi

That is precisely the problem. Every one thinks the way you do...Itna asaan tow nahi hosakta...and hence, MAJORITY complicate it in their own unique ways. That is ESSENTIALLY a What-Not-To-Do in CSS.



Again. It's just one person's opinion... ASSUMPTION: based on an objective, fair and professional impression of the examiner (not one who puts more premium on the beauty of your hand writing than your content)

Toru bhai I must say aisa tow mene bi nai socha tha.. :P very well written bro..

Cogito bro hes right. you should have written the assumption that human rights were being abused in the world before the WOT (as you inferred from ''growing''). Merely inferring will not do. I think if you had stated your assumption in the second paragraph, which ofcourse most examiners should read to judge your caliber and level, atleast osay idea ho jaata that you have set the context according to the essay/or essay according to the context. whichever is correct haha.

after reading all above posts i come up with the idea that first of all each and every thing depends on the checker as cogito has mentioned that he had written apparently difficult words that might be not difficult for any other checker
highly confused after getting 30 marks in the essay with the same topic of 16 pages and 1.5 page outline what material the essay should actually contain as my words were very common and simple

Post your outline and we will try to figure what went wrong. keep all the factors mentioned above in mind. it is a useful exercise for all those set to take the next attempt.
infact i request all those who failed the essay to post their outlines as it would be worth a lot more than those who qualified. As those who didn't qualify seem to know more about why they might not have done so... it will really be useful to know what-not-to-do as toru sir quoted....

how you got 65 marks
highly appreciated and impressed please give suggestions

originality of thought, thorough understanding of the topic, good writing skills, proper presentation etc. are required primarily. These are the abilities that we can develop and rest depends upon God Almighty's will.

Toru,

I agree wholeheartedly with your opinion regarding my essay. You elaborated quite well what I myself tried to point out.

I did, in fact, over-analyze things. But while making the outline, I took proper care (as per my own estimates) not to 'sound' too complex. In my defence (which is pointless now, but still I am doing it for the benefit of you guys so that you don't fall into the same pit) I would say that the outline and the basic structure of my essay revolved EXACTLY around the questions you have posed while telling us what you think should have been my essay's content.

Where do I think I fell short? I didn't replicate the structural simplicity of the outline in the essay. Just as you have quite aptly put it: over-analysis caused my downfall.

Again, all these are just assumptions. Maybe the examiner just saw my handwriting and wrote 20/100 on the top of my sheet. Maybe he didn't like my outline, simple or otherwise. Maybe he was offended by the fact that I began my essay with a quotation from Mr Gandhi. Or maybe he didn't know the meanings of the words/phrases like "paradigm shift", "nihilism" and "zeitgeist". But, gentlemen, if you can keep all these assumptions in mind to produce an essay which has no such 'assumed' shortcomings, that would certainly achieve the purpose of this thread. And I would love to see you guys succeed

P.S.
Please prepare equally well for précis. Odd years (2013,2015) are for the essay, while even (2012, 2014, and probably 2016) are for the précis. Islamiat also lurks somewhere among all these, waiting to stun it's unsuspecting victims!!!
I actually did that. In my second paragraph (after the introduction), I stated my assumption and then went on to prove it. And after that, I moved on to the next points. But this is immaterial now. I still failed

__________________
"Everything the light touches, is our kingdom."

i dont remember the exact but i start the intro with the words as terrorism is a biggest menace that is taking the whole world under it. then i mention about its drawbacks including human rights violation
i also mentioned about the world situation after WW1 aND ww2 and sufferings of these ppl till date, then iraq, afghan war and its impacts on humans lives, drone strikes etc
then i wrote about the conflict of interest of super powers whose basic aim is to set their hegemony rather than curbing terrorism thats why they dont care about human rights and gave examples in this regard in the end i wrote some measures to stop violation of rights and find other means of reducing terrorism