Dear Dharejo,

From your essay I get an inkling that you have IR as an optional subject. If that's the case your approach could have been more adept than what you have stated above. On the face of it, there is nothing wrong with your essay provided that you have avoided the conceptual discrepencies betweeen your outline and your essay. Your essay contains bulk of material which a layman cannot provide at all. But investment of material doesnt make a cogent essay. I did that mistake in the essay papper of 2006 when I wrote on the topic "Nuclear weapons are not only a great peril but also a great hope". I got carried away with the confidence and forgot to bear in mind the other constituents of a worthwhile essay. I infused hefty amount of material in it and adorned it with more than 10 relevant theories of International Relations. I wrote it with such vigour and fervour that I was sure of my success in that particular paper. But, I was awarded only 30 marks. This marred my 2006 attempt which was such a good attempt otherwise.

Later on, I realised that I deserved that failure since I provided more than the paper setter asked for. My paper was a monument of mismanagement and misdirected energy. I must have gone irrelevant in order to explain an otherwise relevant theory at length. I quoted some nuclear treaties which were superfluous, but I gave their reference just because they were related to nulclearization. For a balanced approach I had to write some plus points of nuclear weapons too, but the negative side which i vehemently supported consumed about 90% of the time allowed. Therefore, I wrote about the hopes in post haste which must have spoiled the endeavour. Moreover, I didnt carve out a good conclusion too since I was overwhelmed with a pertinent quotation of Jimmy Carter which I thought would suffice for a handsome conclusion.

Thus, if you think you have avoided such blunders as I committed, you will surely get through. My prayers and good wishes are with you.

Allah hafiz.

SHEHRAM

@zeeshan saleem.

Bro i think gurmani sahib is right.
But i think your approach should have been different.The topic was Global warming fact or fiction

according to me you should have mentioned the point of view of both school of thoughts i,e one which says that global warming is just a fiction and the other which claims it to be a fact.you should have sabstantiated with the arguments which each group forwards in support of their claim.

Then you should have given your own view and build upon that with arguments and examples to prove your point.


This is what i think.....People might differ in their opinion.

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M-M-M

Thnx Shehram...

dear, i m nt an impressive one in IR bcoz i m a student of final yr mbbs.. so dis field is nt so fit 4 me.. as u can thnk.. but yes u r right, IR was an optional subject in my optional subject profile..
I want to say 1 thng that i have written outlines in a summary pattern as any 1 always do.. but i have given my language a literary n impressive touch.. as u can see 4M my start in essay .. just a glance...

HUMAN HAVE SEEN MANY CATALYSMIC EVENTS IN THE PAST. FROM THE BLACK PLAGUE OF MEDIEVEL TIMES UPTO DESTRUCTIVE WORLD WAR-II IN 1940s. NOW WE AERE DRIFTING TOWARDS ANOTHER THREATENING EVENT ON THE NAME OF WORLD WAR-III MAINLY DUE TO UNCONTROLLED THREATFUL PROLIFERATION OF NUCLEAR TECHNOLOGY AND MULTIPLE ISSUES, WHICH CAN BE NIDUSES FOR THIS WAVE OF DESTRUCTION IN THE WORLD JUST SIMILAR TO NUCLEAR CHAIN REACTION. HENCE, DANCING AROUND THE FIRE IS NOT SOLUTION TO ANY PROBLEM. ONE SHOULD TRY TO SEE BENEATH THE SURFACE OF THE ISSUE, IN ORDER TO GRASP AN IDEA OF REMEDY FOR PREVENTION OF THREATENING WW-III BY KEEPING AETIOLOGICAL FACTORS UNDER KEEN CONSIDERATION....................!!!!

then, u can apply all the contents of outline one by one..... but in the same
pattern.... i hav nt given detail of any treaty but i have just given ideas of prevention n hw we can apply those all.. i know that i was nt asked abt the treaties n all international organizations.. i have just given remedial measures in a literal pattern.. u can take an idea 4m my start too.... so, commment.. u r most welcome 4 dat.. point out my deficiencies plzzzz...
Thnx....

DR. MB RAJA DHAREJO (KHAIRPUR,SINDH)

Dear Dharejo,

It's not a wise approach to point out deficiencies once you have written the essay and are waiting for your result. That can pretty much shake your confidence. However, I will point out some deficiencies which I can notice through my myopic perception. The start you have provided has some spelling mistakes like CATALYSMIC (Cataclysmic) and I have no idea what you meant by NIDUSES. Furthermore, you wrote a sentence which goes like "FROM THE BLACK PLAGUE OF MEDIEVEL TIMES UPTO DESTRUCTIVE WORLD WAR-II IN 1940s" which is not a complete sentence at all, thus does not deserve a full stop in the end. Moreover, it was not Black plague, it was a plague which was called BLACK DEATH. MAD is Mutually Assured Destruction, not Mutually Armed Destruction.

As for spelling mistakes, I personally know a guy who wrote the word DAME instead of DAM for more than 30 times in his essay and he got 55 marks and now is serviing in Audit and Accounts. Rest are the mistakes you should have avoided. I had this bad habit of writing the words whose meanings I wasnt sure of. This habit should certainly be come over.

Above all, if your essay is convincing and relevant enough, these mistakes won't even count. This is what will matter in the end.

Allah Hafiz,

SHEHRAM

thanhs for horrible comments i think the students ve vot superb knowledge that what the globalwarming is it is a fact not fiction i ve studued many books but there is not any thing about fiction it is afact and nothing so plz keep in mind TO PASS COMMENTS IS EASY BUT TO APPER IN PAPAER AND TO SLOVE THE QUESTION IS DIFFICULT IT IS A FACT AS FAR AS TWWO SCHOOLS RE CONCERENED THRE RE NOT TWO SKOOLS OF THOUGHT IF IT IS FICTION THEN THE WORLD IS FOOL TO DICUSS THIS TOPICS ABOVE ALL THANKS AS far as doctor sb outline is concerned sir ur outline is superb WHATEVER THE SPELL IS IT MUST BE COMMUNICATIVE AND IT IS I AM SURE U WOULD GET EASILY 45 MARKS IN ESSAY

brother Zeeshan
you took it offensive. You asked us to grade your essay so did we.
Moreover, sir i didnt said i am senior.Even in this forum i always ranked myself as junior member.
I know its very easy to criticize with few strokes of fingers on keyboard.But dear you must realize no one is going to get any benefit for criticizing your essay. Healthy criticism is always helpful.
Well, it was your last attempt.We respect your viewpoints and can only pray for your success.


bro mb raja dharejo:
teetotaller has rightly said that you have concentrated only nuclear proliferation or nuclear war.It was a multi-pronged topic, you should have discussed other factors contributing towards out break of third world war and how to effectively tackle them.You ,have unnecessarily overstressed Iran and America and Pakistan.

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Whatever mind can conceive,it can achieve - W.Clement Stone

HI dear zeeshan i m new commer to this forum i hv read ur essay ,s outline ...because i am science student i think ur efforts r according to the point..i will not say that any one criticising on u is not worthwile but remember one thing its very easy to criticise rather to work practically...i am also gonna go to appear in css2009.....if u say me to ratify ur essay i will say excellent but with this i will also say that imrove ur grammer to erradicate minor mistakes i think its a key to success..

@zeeshan shaib....

relax dude....i know its easy to pass comments than to appear in the exam .i have alwayz been a supporter of this.

anywayz i didn't criticise your Essay its a fine attempt and i just posted what it should have been according to my perception.I think there's nothing offensive in expressing one self as long as it is not at the cost of others(in this case you).so don't be offended.

best of luck for your result

__________________
M-M-M

hello to all resoected waseem thanks u help a lot on this forum in guaging my essay and also to mumtaz sb who measured my essay and also to new comer of dr amjad who passed comments i am disagree with waseem and mumtaz bcz dear the world fact means REALITY TRUTH AND SOMETHING THAT EXISTS WHILE FICTION MEANS FEIGNED STORY FABLE ,,NOVEL , FALSEHOOD U RE GENIUS NOW U SAY HOW IT IS FICTION TELL ME HWO IT k AN BE FICTION ALGOORE RECENT BOOK GLOBAL WARMING AND THE UNVERSE IS A PROOF OF THIS FACT THAT IT IT IS FACT dear everybody has differet opinion u re different from me and i also but it does not mean we re wrong in css everbody takes every thing from his point of vew and main thing is t0 proof it yET MY OUTLINE IS A PROOF OF THIS ABOVE ALL I IMMENSELY OPPOLOGISE AND SPECIAL THANKS TO DR AMJAD WO HAS BEEN ASCIENTIFIK STUDENT AND HAS MEASURED MY ESSAY WELL THAKS

Can we prevent WW3?

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my dear fellows,
please help me evaluate my essay, which i attempted in 2008
i attempted
" Can we prevent World War 3"
I argued in the following manner:

1. in the first paragraph i gave general view point about history that history repeats itself because we do not learn form history
2. in the 2nd, and 3rd paragraphs i gave causes and effects of World War (WW) 1 and WW 2 respectively
3. in the 4th paragraph i gave the reasons why there was peace during the cold war (the prime reason was bi-polar world and china was playing the role of balancer
4. in the remaining paragraphs i argued in favour of possibility of WW 3 and made my point on following arguments
a. Unipolar world (US + EU ) and gave analogy of Germany + Japan in WW2
b. Growing Militarism of US and EU and rest of the world to maintain least minimum detterence
c. Imperialsim in the name of globalization
d. Injustice
e. and some other minor reasons in the 2nd last paragraph
5. in the concluding paragraph, i ended up with the conclusion that WW3 is inevitable but we can prevent it if we contain all its reasons as discussed above
6. I added 3 quotes from Disralli, Gladstone and Samuel Huntington in the essay.

Please spare some time to evalute my essay and tell me if there is any chance of passing this paper
Regards
Farrukh
P.S. I think there are few grammatical and spelling errors in my essay