پولیس آفیسر

ایک پولیس آفیسر بھرتی کیلیے حاضر ہوا۔ کمشنر نے انٹرویو کے دوران پوچھا ” ایک اور ایک کتنے ہوتے ہیں؟”۔
امیدوار “گیارہ”۔
کمشنر نے سوچا یہ وہ جواب نہیں ہے جو میں نے سوچا تھا، بہرحال ٹھیک ہے۔ کمشنر نے دوسرا سوال پوچھا “وزیراعظم لیاقت علی خان کو کس نے قتل کیا تھا؟”۔
امیدوار تھوڑی دیر سوچنے کے بعد بولا “معلوم نہیں”۔
کمشنر بہت مایوس ہوا اور امیدوار کو جواب دیتے ہوئے بولا “گھر جاؤ اور اس سوال کےجواب پر غور کرو”۔
امیدوار باہر نکلا تو اس کے دوست نے پوچھا “انٹرویو کیسا رہا؟”۔
امیدوار “بہت اچھا رہا، مجھے نوکری مل گئی ہے بلکہ میں نے ایک قتل کے کیس پر کام بھی شروع کر دیا ہے”۔

Husband n wife hotel main dinner ker rhey they

k ek larki ne aa k husband ko "hello" kha or chli gai

us k jatey hi ...

Wife: Yeh kon thi?

Husband: Mera dimagh mat khrab kro. Abhi ussey bhi btana hai k tum kon ho?
Father: Beta koi baat nhi tumhari kismat main fail hona hi likha tha.

Son: Ji Dady, yeh to acha hua k main ne sara saal parha nhi warna meri mehnat zaya ho jati.

Manager: You have been appointed for the post and ur salary is 10000 n next year it will b 20000.

Sardar: Ok. I'll come next year


In the beginning of the marriage every girl treats her husband as GOD,

but after some time somehow the alphabets r reversed

___________________________

Father to son: If u don't pass the exam this time, don't call me DAD.

After some days

Father: How is ur result?

Son: Sorry, Aslam Sahab

__________________
Defeat is not when you fall down, it is when you refuse to get up. So keep getting up when you have a fall.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

***************

politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

*******************

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up

*******************

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

In a country of free speech, Why are there phone bills?

Whenever I find the key to success, Someone changes the lock.

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.


My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.



We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.


Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.

Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornados and hail.


A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

__________________
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be.

Cricket has reached exciting levels wid T20 & IPL

To improve exam system,
same should be infused in exams.

1- Reduce exam duration to 1:30 hr & marks to 50.

2- Introduce strategic break after 30 mints.

3- Give free hit, that is a chance for students to write there own questions & answers.

4- 1st 20 mins power play, that is no invigilator in the exam hall.

5- Introduce fair play awards.

6- Cheer girls to dance for correct answers written.


Pen
Pencil
Scale
Eraser
Uniform
ID Card

Sub tayyar hay,

Ab bus.

Parhna baqi hay .

INTERESTING FACTS

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Don't try this at home...maybe at work?)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmmmmm........)



Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

(If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?)


The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(Did taxpayers pay for this research???)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)



The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.

(Creepy)


Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. (or can you?)

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why. (Or does it? )

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.



The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

A snail can sleep for three years.

No word in the English language rhymes with 'MONTH.'

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. SCARY!!!

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

'Go', is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick their elbow.

__________________
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be.

Doctor to patient:tumhra aik gurda fail ho gya hy.
Patient roty howay:kitny numbron sy?

__________________
Defeat is not when you fall down, it is when you refuse to get up. So keep getting up when you have a fall.

How True.. .A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min, a beer shortens your life by 4 minutes, a working day shortens your life by 8 hours!


Dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment: Lock your dog and your girlfriend in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?

Why are Egyptian Children always confused?
Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.

What is the true meaning of ‘Study’??
.
.
.
.
.
.
S. Sleeping
T. Talking
U. Unlimited sms
D. Dreaming
Y. Yaani mast life

SO carry on study..!! Plzzzzz.


Human brain is the most
outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
and stop only when we enter the examination hall.


I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week."

He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."


Software Engineering
At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:

"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"

He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"