Originally Posted by infinite optimism

The author's holiday dilemma came to an end when he,along with his friend,visited Qualla Boundary,The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century.,with mountains and old villages.They met George whose shop was ridden with primitive gadgets,such as bayonets and tomahawks.He told the tourists about Bingo Weekend,a show arranged to earn money during tourism slump.Their last destination was an art museum.The visit left him with a lot of memories.

Orig=144
Precis=76

This is a meagre effort on my part.You guys can comment on it.

Originally Posted by Greenboat

First of all I am also new in the horizon of CSS exam. You yorself asked for assessment about your meager effort. You yourself mean it. Please read my comments and yoy will find the meaning in between lines what I said. If you are again asking to assess your piece of writting. Then Ok, let's take a look at your blunders in composition;

As I stated above your title is neither appropriative nor artistic one. It is not a mare memoir of author, it comprises whole scenario of a civilization and its cultural tradition along with other things. Your title is relavent but not comprehensive.

Your first compond sentence is wrong.

The author holiday dilemma came to an end when he,along with his friend,visited Qualla Boundary.The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century,with mountains and old villages

Itna barra sentense hota hay kya woh bhi ghalat? Take a look at it, how many mistakes are there including puntuations?

The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century.,with mountains and old villages

Again wrong sentense; the sentense is not conjucted correctly.


They met George whose shop was ridden with primitive gadgets,such as bayonets and tomahawks.

They met with George hoga.

He told the tourists about Bingo Weekend,a show arranged to earn money during tourism slump.

He told is wrong. You can not narrate here with TOLD.

I think it is enough and am not going to assess your write-up more.

Please don't take my words on heart. You wanted me to do that. If had I intention to criticize you, I would have done it in the very first comment. I am a new aspirant like you, I am also in learning stage. Instead of making wrong judgments, we should help out one another because no one is perfect in anything.

Originally Posted by jamalnasir

Many thanks my dear brothers Greenboat and infinite optimism for analysing my writings. Dear I have already said in other threads that CSS forum is the best platform to learn something, instead of quarreling with one another we should learn something from it.

@Greenboat dear next time I'll try to use idioms in it. Waiting for your comments on comprehension.


@Infinite optimism brother thanks for commenting on my World Times essays and these are not typing mistakes, it's almost same of that which I wrote in the exam. As you are suggesting, now I'll also focus on punctuation. Brother, original text was of 436 words, it was required to make précis of 120 words or less, so I made of 120 words. I don't know from where you got the text of 144 words and made the précis of 76 words. Don't you think that your précis is too short, it should be one third of the original text? If you made from 144 words then it should be of 48 words and you should use synonyms, but you used original words.

Can some CSPs or King makers like Raz or Last Island give comment about it?

Originally Posted by infinite optimism

Except for punctuation mistakes, which are typing errors,nothing made sense to me.Thank you anyway,looking forward to discussing things with you.
By the way,have you ever heard of interrupters,extra information which can be put after a comma.Do tell me how the first sentence is wrong.

The author holiday dilemma came to an end when he,along with his friend.visited Qualla Boundary.The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century,with mountains and old villages.

Punctuation errors have been removed,now tell what is wrong?