i can,t award u wd marks acme as im not sufficiently an expert in writing yet or even any near this art . still i can,t keep myself frm sayinn IMPRESSIVE... its quite an understatement bt like all i would also say room for improvement prevails....the way u craved these simple words into an astounding body deserves applause......vry well done

Overall excellent attempt with relevant examples and intelligently used figure of speech for expressions.

10 marks

Hello, Acme

Good Attempt. Keep on working and I think we all should come up with something on the same topic so that new ideas and ways of writing could be retrived. I will Inshallah by tomorrow post my expansion on the same topic and will urge all the senior members to come and comment on. its a good opportunity and we all should exploit it to the maximum extent so that it could be usefull for our comming CSS exam.

Mashallah Acme nice attempt ... and as I am a junior and illiterate student so I couldn't mark your expansion but its good.

Regards

A short cut may be a good way to get a temporary victory, but not an ultimate one. One has to face the troubles coming in the way of a target and bear the pains of long hard-work. One has to pass through a zigzag path which ultimately leads to the final destination. Muslim leadership of Sub-continent took more than one hundred years to acquire a separate homeland after laying the sacrifice of hundred thousands of the Muslims and bearing the atrocities of cruel-minded, nationalist Hindus. However, through the short cut one could only get a short lived victory which looks colorful and luxurious for the time being but it ruins in the long-term. For the short cut, many Muslims owned their allegiance to the British and Hindus for the sake of few high positions and to avoid consequences of conflict. But later, they were thrown out by the Hindus and were given no space by the new leadership of Pakistan. If one adopts a proper route there would come many evils in one’s way. One would have to endure the pains, and resistance which comes from the opponents. Even, the disappointment which comes after the betrayal of fair-weather friends. Judicial movement in Pakistan is an ample testimony of this fact. Many PCO judges succumbed to the pressure of a dictator and took oath under PCO, but some patriotic judges put their resignation and launched a long movement. They accepted the challenge, faced the troubles and pursue their cause with confidence, and ultimately won. Later, all the PCO judges were removed who had tried a short cut. Hence, the lesson is, a true success is not an outcome of a short cut but of a long-term effort.

@Irfan Ali

Sometimes it is really hard to criticize some writting. This is one of them. You have written to the point and accurate. A very good try.

However some suggestions:

1. Try to be a bit concise. As there are 30 words per line and 12 lines, thus making word count to be about 360. If written on paper it would seem a bit longer.

2. I think one example on positive side and one example on negative side would have sufficed. Dont make it longer by giving more examples.

3. It is a good practice to start a new idea by new paragraph. But you are constrained to write in one paragraph. Therefore while giving the introduction provide both positive and negative side in one go, after that provide examples of both positive and negative side. (Hope you will understand my point)

In sum, I will give you 9/10.

Regards

“Slow and steady wins the race” is a quote which is very true and pragmatic for getting success in any sphere. We know very well that to get success one needs to be consistent and persistent. Short cuts might give one edge for sometime, but that would be for a very short span of time. Same as we know that input is equal to output. If one works consistently and continually, he or she would gain in the same order. One can get success by a short cut, but that would not last as long as he would desire for it. We have many examples to prove the aforementioned arguments. We know that Prophet Muhammad very consistently and continually worked for the cause of Islam throughout his life and we bear the witness today that after 1400 years we are still Muslims just because of the true teachings and long hard work of Prophet Muhammad. Every task gives you tough time in your pursuance of success, so as Prophet Muhammad faced many impediments, but through his determination and persistence he got the two ends meet. For some more evidences from past, we can look toward the success of Muslims of India. By dint of merit and hard work eventually and ultimately they get their own country despite the strong resistance of Hindu community of India. That became possible only due to the hard work, continuity, persistence and sincere efforts of Muslims of India. Though, Alexander the great conquered the whole world in a short span of time, so he lost all his conquered territory in a very short span of time. What he got is “Haste makes waste”. So after considering all facts we come to the conclusion that there is no shortcut to success.

@ Irfan Ali

Brother, Well done! you have attempted nicely but, I am much confused to the extent that, how much length a paragraph should have? I think, when we are writing on paper it will be looking as quite lengthy and large......is'nt it???

Only one suggestion if i am not wrong...... It's better to come up with one SOLID logic and be confined to it in paragraph rather dragging from islamic history to subcontenent and then again ending it to pco judges (Isn't Right one)


@ Audacious

Brother, your attempt is also admirable. You have started quite logically but, I think there are some mistakes regarding putting right commas, (punctuations) which lacks somewhere in your paragraph. (Although me also not good but I think that should be consider as well)

Now Here is my attempt, Your comments/criticism/suggestions are highly wellcome

There is no shortcut to success

History of mankind has shown that, there is no shortcut or temperary way to achieve success and it is universal truth that, every success are bound to perpetual and profound efforts which makes nations,individuals on the ladder of success. Bill Gates owner of Microsoft has rightly said "If you born poor it's not your fault but if you die poor its your fault. When we open the pages of history, it is quite crystal clear that, from Muhammad (PBUH) to Muhammad Bin Qasim, have struggled in achieving long lasting success while adopting a way full of hardwork, devotion. On the other hand, shortcuts tend to look good but, they are not worthy in achieving higher, longterm objectives by individuals, nations as a whole. It is concluded that, success is purely based on continous efforts, devotion and hardwork.

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"Everything we learn, we learn by doing"

@ ACME

Brother, Well done! Really a wonderfull efforts with a proper use of words by your side. The only thing which, I would like to ask the "Length of expansion" as it should be restricted to 250-300 or as in your case it might be 450.

Is it rational to write more words and three or four paragraphs?? or it will go wrong with your marks??

Pls senior DO SHARE YOUR VALUABLE KNOWLEDGE

Regards,
csp

__________________
"Everything we learn, we learn by doing"

@ Csp

First of all I would like to say thanks to you for appreciating and giving suggestion. I would definitely look in my punctuation problem and it is really weak. I think its a great opportunity to learn here in an environment of CSP aspirants and Qualified CSP's. Thanks for taking part in this thread and keep on working with us so that we all get something valuable out of one another.

Secondly, so far as the concern of your attempt, in my humble and inferior opinion, over all you wrote well but, there are some errors and these might be typo mistakes. But I think I should pin point for the good of all.

Spell mistake: Temporary

There are two errors
1. you should use the word (Puts) rather then Makes and that would sound much better.

2. There should be a space between nation,individuals.

there should be a space between hard and work because both are two individual words.

1. Long term or long-term not longterm.
2. continuous not continous .

I know these are typo mistakes but just pin pointing for the sake of learning. And I would urge you to check all typo mistakes before posting anything as it would make you more careful from the examination point of view.

Last But not least, you wrote your paragraph of 137 words which is not sufficient as it is directed to write between 250 to 300 words by Fpsc. My paragraph is of 296 words and the Irfans's paragraph is of 287 words, so you can add some more detail to your expansion to get good marks.

Thanks and regards

@ Audacious

Thanks brother for your worthy suggestion and pin pointing my mistakes, Although some of them are typo as you mentioned earliar. I would say these mistakes, which you have rectified would be highly appluasable by myside, because If we won't learn from our mistakes, we cannot get success.

I will inshallah expand my expression on this account in near future inshallah.

Keep suggesting/commenting and sharing your time.

regards,

csp

__________________
"Everything we learn, we learn by doing"