Aoa

Friends and seniors, I've another essay in line for your scrutiny.
As soon as the result will be announced, you guys will have to prepare for the interview (InshAllah), that's why I want to seek maximum of your guidance before that.




Sent from my SM-N900 using Tapatalk

Your thesis statement for the second essay looks pretty fine to me for someone who has just begun to write essays. You just need to polish your writing skill a bit more, and you will be good to go.


I did not take any regular classes. I just had a couple of meetings with senior teachers/instructors, and I asked them some questions to get a clearer perspective about a few things that were confusing me. But, for you, I think coaching would be beneficial. You have *some* deficiencies in grammar and other aspects of your writing which can be easily removed if you keep writing essays and get them checked/corrected by your mentor.

And I am sorry for getting back to you late. I have a big exam coming, and it is getting difficult to find time for laptop (I can't type proper/detailed replies from the phone).

__________________
"Everything the light touches, is our kingdom."

Here's an other essay. I hope you'll enjoy reading it as I have enjoyed writing it.

Every solution breeds new problems.











Sent from my SM-N900 using Tapatalk

__________________
One must be a wise reader to quote wisely and well; said Bronson Alcott

Hi.
In my opinion, rather than being a set of solution-problem you have assumed in the first part of your outline is a chain of action-reaction.
Yes you can call Treaty of Versailles as a solution then after 2nd world war formation of UN can be categorized as a solution to the problem but others like disintegration of USSR, hegemony of USA and Uni polarity of world(imbalance of power) doesn't fit in solution-problem set.

This is my understanding, you may have another perspective in your mind.
But I would like to point out that it more seems like you are trying to create solutions from problems rather than problems from solutions.

Well, I'll have to think about it.
Thank you.
Your responses are too valuable for me as no one knows what will be the perspective of the examiner, yours or mine.

Sent from my SM-N900 using Tapatalk

__________________
One must be a wise reader to quote wisely and well; said Bronson Alcott

Hahaha..... That's where luck comes into play.
Sheer ! Crude ! LUCK !


I once wrote about that Lemons and Lemonade topic.
And I wrote it in a perspective of Evolution, Improvisation, Creativity. I comprehended in that way. Later I came to know that it was about hardships. Rise and fall sort of thing.
So never can anybody say.
Good luck.

Safeer so far you have written on topics that can be steered to desired direction. You have command over national and international affairs. There is nothing wrong in adopting the approach that you adopted in expanding essays. But something different and challenging can better contribute to your writing skills and knowledge. You managed the following essays really well.

1) When life gives you lemons, make lemonade
2) Beggars can not be choosers
3) Every solution breeds a new problem

Your writing skills impressed me. But as a sincere friend and brother I would advise you to write on something that needs one to think out of box. Or on a topic that needs research. Following are the few topics that I would suggest you to write on.

1) The War on terror has contributed to the growing abuse of human rights
2) In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to is level of incompetence
3) I disapprove what you say, but I defend to death your right to say

__________________
Khushboo Hai Mere Khoon Mein Kafoor Ki Manind,
Bikhrunga Fizaun Mein Ek Noor Ki Manind . . .

Dear brother
Thank you so much. Your response means a lot to me and I will try to make outline on the topics you proposed.

As far as the research and finding arguments from the internet is concerned while practising essay, I think it is not a rewarding practice. I try to stimulate examination conditions and rely on the existing knowledge.

What's your opinion?

Sent from my SM-N900 using Tapatalk

__________________
One must be a wise reader to quote wisely and well; said Bronson Alcott

In my opinion research must be done prior to writing.

__________________
Khushboo Hai Mere Khoon Mein Kafoor Ki Manind,
Bikhrunga Fizaun Mein Ek Noor Ki Manind . . .

Technology makes a man stolid
Introduction; Technology revolutionized the life of man; it awarded life with abundance and ease; increasing wealth resulted in increased competition and led the world towards instability.
1. Abundance and ease offered by technology; progressive technology blesses agriculture with a variety of food; the possessions of daily use are easily found in a great quantity and vast variety; life is as easy as it had never been before; increased products result in favorably low prices and ensures availability to majority of people; dip in level of poverty; the more the abundance, the more the physical needs are satisfied.
2. Tamed fears of destitution and fatal diseases and the avarice
3. Prevailing commercialism promotes instability.
4. Augmented materialism deprives the man of spontaneity.
5. Leading Cause of Materialism ‘the satisfaction of vanity’
6. Nature is subdued, but the man has been enslaved.
7. Understanding human nature can bring more happiness than the understanding of science and nature.



Technology revolutionized the world; the bigger the machines were invented, the easier the work became, and it multiplied the physical comfort. Relief from arduous manual tasks provided men an opportunity to multiply his activities to enrich its civilization; the time to work on literature, art, peace, and harmony among nations, increased many folds. Ease did not remain limited to increased leisure but men were also provided with a variety of colorful dresses, luxurious furniture, plush cars, and abundant foods. The access became easy to the leisure, earlier provided to the high class only. It was not before the high commercialism and cut throat competition for material gains that the debate on banes of technology started. The higher the technology went in providing commodities and ease, the farther the men went off his virtues for attaining high status and comfort provided by technology. Improved living standard, promised by technology, was offered in return of money paid to producers, this increased the value of material wealth and also the competition for more and more material gains. Men became busy while being indifferent to the pains and pleasures of society; increased amount of work left no time for the enrichment of the civilization and consequently the society became unstable.

The feeling that technology has made the man oblivious to the pains of others may hold much water, but its services for making man’s life easier cannot be refuted. Before the industrial revolution men’s problems were physical; hunger, starvation, disease and higher mortality rates. Improved technology provided tools to fight all these substantial problems. Life was provided with abundance and ease; the agricultural field revolutionized to produce more crops and variety of foods. Life became as easy as it had been never before; markets were flooded with cheap commodities of daily use and were easily available to all the people of society. The hard manual labor reduced and the production of goods and foods increased. Increased availability of substantial products ensured their access, on favorable prices, to the common man. This development transformed the hunger and famine -stricken world to a world of ease and comfort.
The consistent fears of being marginalized by natural forces of destitute diminished. Man became powerful enough to defeat the diseases that had been killing him before the revolution of technology. With the man’s control over physical threats to its existence, came a new problem, a problem of emotional needs. The opponents of the race of technology projected its rise as a threat to the humane nature of man; man himself becomes, with the excessive use of machines, emotionless. Unending activity for more progress and wealth makes a man greedy, and he becomes insensitive to the harms he causes to others for his benefit. Consequently, a man himself, who is distinguished from other animal for his emotions, becomes unconscious of the pains and happiness of society. Man’s this feature makes the world of technology a difficult place to live in. The world of technology has been providing an ambiance of competition, a competition in which the strong considers himself right in crushing others for his gains. This plight of man by his stronger fellows made people think the role of technology in making people insensitivity.
The technological improvement gave rise to the feelings of subjugation, subjugation of nature and other people. Consequently, a selfish society emerges with a passion of getting control over others. This passion forces humans to use their technological advancements for killing, plundering and suppressing millions of resourceless people. Rising egocentrism and desire for more material gains, besides making humans selfish, produces an unhappy and unstable society. Therefore, a society with all the leisure, comfort and ease deprives itself of peace, tranquility and harmony. Thus, deprivation of humane emotions and harmony in society makes peaceful coexistence of humanity impossible. On one hand technological advancements made the life easier, and on the other hand they made world a place unsafe for love, peace and progressive development of human mind and nature.
Progressive development of mind and nature relieves the man of the emotions of haste, anxiety and lust, but the demand for more industrial development leaves no time for cultivation of human nature. Increased development demands an unending work, and consequently mental dissatisfaction prevails. Consistent activity in the society makes a man mechanized; he rejects the nature’s call for mental rest and break. The emotional needs of nurturance of one’s inner self are ignored by the society, involved in never ending work. The virtues of work are preached in a way that the emotions, natural feelings and heart contentment drop on the back foot. Man becomes regular like a machine; this regularity deprives men of spontaneity. Augmented commercialism and materialism turn man into a machine, a machine indifferent to and unaware of the feelings of others.
Improved technology and commercialism have made the life easier. People have achieved all the necessary resources to meet their substantial needs. However, there still exists a surge of the notion of work, work and work. There may arise a question that while many people have been living below the poverty line then how can the point of satisfaction be justified. The facts testify that the deprived people are not as actively involved in the race of work and materialism as the people who have enough to live on. Notion of materialism has been followed by a man already blessed with enough resources to be pleased with. Consequently, a man can live a happy life with already existing resources, then what makes a man neurotic for work and indifferent to others? The answer is technology has transformed the world into a competitive field. Everyone has been involved in competition to out distance others; this is a race to obtain the best of the best. The one, who has more, is more respectable. People strive hard to increase their wealth and comfort from others; in turn others also try to accomplish more. Thus, the satisfaction of vanity gives birth to the unending race of materialism, which results in the death of emotions.

A generation, lacking in emotions, substantiates the cause against rising technology. Technology, on one the hand serves the men to subdue the natural difficulties in his life, but on the other hand, it enslaves people. It makes people think that their life is dependent on machines. High dependency on machines makes machines a master, and the man begins living a life mechanistic in nature and devoid of sensitivity and feelings. Consequently, machines dictate the life of people; the more powerful machines a nation have, the more the quest of the nation to crush others. Thus, rising mastery of machines generates a need for their use; the unremitting wars in the world and the use of lethal weapons can be heavily attributed to the rise of technology. One may argue that the wars were also fought in the pre-technology era, it is true, wars were fought, but they had not been as much bloody and dreadful as they are today. Technology has enslaved the nature of man; the emotions, feelings and desires of man are largely controlled and conducted by machines.

Technology became the master because it made the man’s life easier and comfortable; the success of technology is greatly accredited to its quality of understanding the nature of science, developments in the field of science and man’s physical needs. This is a tested fact that technology made the life satisfied in terms of physical need, but the mental and emotional needs became vulnerable to the changes made by technology in the society. On one side, man’s need of security was satisfied, but on the other side, man was provided with harmful equipment to satisfy his instinct of harming others. Thus, the man’s physical satisfaction did not prove sufficient in making life a happy place to live in; instead it made the man an emotionless creature. Therefore, the life on earth demands the understanding of human nature; it will make technology capable of satisfying the emotional as well as physical needs of the society.
Conclusion
Please evaluate and criticise all the weak areas; every type of constructive criticism is welcomed