It's good to see that you understood THESIS Statement well. The two introductory paragraphs are good. The second one is better as it is more comprehensive. I'm sure you'll write good essay in exam

An important thing that I want to add is: Don't give a lot of ideas as you have given as poverty, role of international organization etc in the very beginning. You should build up your essay on these parameters so take them to the main body and write 4-5 lines about these ideas to give your analytical view in the form of examples.

Also, always prepare outline first before the first paragraph so that you have a specific theme to give to your introductory paragraph.

As an example I've prepared one out line after brainstorming session along with introductory paragraph. You may have a look at it. If you find some point in outline which is not clear you may ask for explanation. Also try to write one whole three hour essay of the outline that I'm providing as an exercise. I took 50 minutes doing brainstorming, preparing outline and the introductory paragraph.

Other readers of this thread must also practice writing on this. Good luck you all.

Topic: TERRORISM


Outline


A. Introduction
a. Terrorism as an issue
b. Implications of Terrorism
c. Thesis Statement

B. Probing Terrorism
a. What is Terrorism?
b. Various perspectives about Terrorism
c. Right demarcation between Terrorism and Not-Terrorism.

C. Terrorism an issue of Today
a. Today’s World and the menace of Terrorism
b. Is there any limit to Terrorism?
c. Picture of World without Terrorism.
d. Double standards of think-tanks about Terrorism

D. Exploring the Kinds of Terrorism
a. State-Sponsored Terrorism
b. Non-State Terrorism
c. Ambiguity about Freedom Fighter
d. Terrorism under religious cover.
e. Suicidal trend

E. Terrorism from the annals of History
a. From tribal feuds to colonialism
b. Warfare as eon of Terrorism
c. Examples of exploitation and violence from History.

F. Who are the Victims of Terrorism
a. The most recent episodes of Pre-emptive victims
b. So called guardian of peace as the perpetrators of Terror

G. Flawed concept of associating Islam with Terrorism
a. Setting the facts right
b. Terrorism Vs Jihad
c. Episodes from Muslim Ummah examples of Palestine, Kashmir etc.
d. Detailed case study of Pakistan, Afghanistan and Iraq etc.

H. Factors behind expansion of Terrorism:
a. Long-standing International Conflicts.
b. Double-standards of super-powers.
c. Role of extremism
d. Absence of understanding and study.
e. The great games.
f. Quest for economic and strategic depth
g. Nuclear proliferation.

I. A Way Forward.
a. Balancing the power equation.
b. Equitable resolution of Conflicts.
c. Promoting trust and understanding.
d. Bridging the gap between the West and the East.
e. Focusing on social issues.
f. Rationally normalizing the quagmire of danger-zones of the world
g. Finding economic resources other than oil
h. Taking responsibility
i. Protecting future generations from the malice of the World Wars.

J. CONCLUSION:



ESSAY--First Paragraph:


The civilized human society of today tries to navigate away from terrorism to sustainable peace. Terrorism has already failed the theory and practice of peaceful co-existence but human wisdom still stands superior. In the wake of Terrorism, the violence and aggression suffered by the innocent inhabitants of this world, present the dark spots in the face of human dignity. From all rationales it can be proved that human society can very well exist otherwise. To sail towards peaceful shore through the whirlpool of terrorism a substantive mental and practical approach is hereby devised. For that matter, in this Essay the phenomenon of Terrorism is thoroughly probed to understand, its dynamics, the implications of Terrorism in today’s world, theory of Terrorism as manifested in its various kinds. Also, historical annals of Terrorism have been re-opened, victims of Terrorism have been brought to the limelight, flawed concept of associating Islam with Terrorism has been unveiled, and factors aggrandizing the scope of Terrorism have been explored through which one can easily behold a way forward. Through this endeavor all efforts to eliminate Terrorism would reach conclusive fruition.

****Also you people may not that the thesis statement here is just not the last or the second last line. But it consists of last 3-4 lines due to the lengh of outline and clarity of idea.****

Your work is not bad. But we can always try to make things even better. Whenever, I write a line; the next time I read it, I think of making some positive change in that. Just for improvement.

While thinking about Pakistan at Cross-roads, I just thought what if we start by talking something about changing times and its increasing demands. Then moving on to a country like Pakistan who has to adapt to this transition.

But always start with a hopeful message. Talk about the potential of our country and then the challenges and then of course go on....

One can always start with some creative idea!

Indeed it is one of the better ways to start your essay; that you start with a quotation.

As you talk about Global Warming mention it in the very beginning that it is Global Warming we are writing about. Don't let the reader wait long to get introduced to the topic. All the points you have mentioned about scientific advancements are very much relevant; only the Global Warming link is missing. Add that up and your idea will be presented in more cohesive fashion

Thank you Urooj for your so much encouraging feedback, though a bit late, indeed I needed this. Soon I will be posting the essay on your provided outline.
But before, that please share some solid guidelines about the conlcusion, as you did for the introduction. I think if i got your solid guidelines about conclusion soon then I will be able to write the essay under these guidelines.

Thanks once again, and looking forward to your kind help...

Please elaborate the following points of the outline, I could not get the full meanings:
Is there any limit to Terrorism?
The most recent episodes of Pre-emptive victims
. Nuclear proliferation.= How is this the cause of terrorism?
Finding economic resources other than oil= how is this going to help reducing terrorism?

Hats off to you for your outline and especially for 50 min that you invested in it, God bless you...

Limit to Terrorism

Here you can discuss everything about the affliction of Terrorism. For example: Is there any limit through which one may say that 90% buthchery in Iraq is Terrorism and 10% is valid purgation or what happened in Vietnam was not Terrorism but what is happening in Sudan is Terrorism. Or is Terrorism only limited to the people who bear pain, wounds and deaths or it also victimizes those who hear about terror episods on their TV screens. Are there regions in Pakistan or policies of Islamabad that pay the price of Terror or the directives of Oval office of The White House are also the party and cause of Terror generation and stimulation.

You may build up your stance on these lines or add more ideas that click you.

Pre-emptive Victims

The victims of pre-emptive designs of USA. US wanted to destroy WMD in Iraq through its pre-emptive design, however, no such weapons were found there. Although, Iraqis became the victims. They have no civic life today. It's all about bombs and gun-fire there to this day. It's just not Iraq.

I hope you got the meaning here.

Nuclear proliferation.

You may find that Nuclear proliferation can be linked to Terrorism. See the case of Iran. Iran is considered as the axis of evil, right? Big powers consider Iran and with that some other countries like North Korea, Libya even Russia during the cold war era as lawless states that believe in collecting power for it's negative use. US is also worried that Pakistan has Nuclear teeth plus it is a flash-point of Terrorism. Another side of the coin is; don't you think the nuclear attack of Heroshima was nothing but gravest TERRORIST mode of action. You can link Nuclear proliferation with terrorism.

P.S: These all are my own opinion for which I have stance to support. You may disagree to that. Also you may also see some other important points which I have missed. So do add them up.

Other than oil.

It is one accepted argument that US is after Oil resources world over. These include Oil from the Muslim World and other Mineral resources from Latin America or Africa etc. US, to get hold on all these resources is doing everything to suppress these poor countries. If this US lust for oil treasure is somehow eliminated then her policies would be very different. It will stimulate less hatred and anger amoung those who suffer, through American hands, and get themselves involved in aggression. This aggression rendered by the oppressed and looted is taken as Terrorism by these super-powers. If this economic overture leading to terrorism is eradicated, clash (Terrorism) can be avoided and Terror-free world can be foreseen.

Once one can write introduction; conclusion is no more a problem them. Writing conclusion is very easy. The points to be kept in mind are these two:


1. Do not introduce anything NEW in the conclusion. You can be caught if you mention anything in there which you have not written anywhere in your entire essay.

2. Just like a thesis statement write one or more lines about all these A.B.C points and not the a,b,c points. Also it is very important that you do not re-use the same line that you have already written. Give the same ideas but change different words. E.G. For, Probing Terrorism, you may write after investigating the meaning terrorism, and so on....all other ideas with different words....... one may very rightly state that the practice of Terrorism is below human dignity and through real efforts and paying heed to all the arguments presented above a Terror-free world can be envisioned. (Make a hopeful and positive ending!)

Excellent Urooj, simply superb...

Please also have a look at Precis and Comprehension thread, with your technical comments,

your guidance is invaluable...

May Allah reward you, and all those who have/are contributing to this forum with success and happiness here and hereafter ....

i think miss urooj is trying her level best to give suggestions and also improving herself in essay writing but one thing i noted is something odd to me. that is lengthy outline. i dont think that u will be able to make such a long outline in just 20 or even 40 minutes. therefore it will be appropriate that u should revise your outline in one page only. such outlines need atleast 2 page and they will certainly make examiner angry.

so have a look at outline.

Yes this is true that the outlines here that I've given are a bit lengthy. I don't know about much impact it would make on the examiner To get used to it one needs a lot of practice. Anyone can change it according to his or her idea and speed. I tried to make mine somewhat different. I am a very slow writer. I type fast though I wrote only 13 pages for essay including the two outline pages in my CSS exam but still I managed to pass. In my first attempt I had written even shorter essay but I got 50 marks. But I think it will be good to make things simple. Over the years I've developed this writing style and I still seek improvement. I'll work on one page simple outlines as well Thanks for pointing that out.

Another benefit that I got from this kind of outlines was that I never had to stop writing for half minute even to think what to write next. As all the points were in front of me before hand. It is also true that I was able to avoid any repetition. I'll try to search for few other formats if I could come across for making outlines. I hope with all our efforts we'll reach something good

Regards.

In this forum, in some other threads, detailed outlines have been advocated; basing it on arguments that it facilitates smooth writing afterwards, it impresses examiner by showing maximum aspects of the subject at hand etc...
anyway, I have no idea what will work... so not sure