Brain is very important part..............

It is active 24 Hours

365 Days....

It start working When u born................

and works till YOU..............
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GET MARRIED
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A Sardar G went for interview for the post of Electrical Engg.
Interviewr asked..

Sardar G electrical motor kaisay chalti hay...?

Sardar G: TorrRrrrRrrRrrrrRRrrrrrrrrrr

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the opponents",
SARDAR Major: "Excellent ! Now We can attack them in any direction" !.

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Usne kaha kon ho Tum?
Mai ne kaha Hasrat Tumari

Usne kaha Taktey ho kya?
Mai ne kaha Surat Tumhari

Us ne kaha kartey ho kya?
Mai ne kaha Pooja Tumhari

Usne kaha Kaafir ho kya?
Mai ne kaha aisa hi sahi

Usne kaha chatey ho kya?
Mai ne kaha Mohabbat Tumhari

Usne kaha Pachtaoge,
Mai ne kaha KismatHamari

Usne Kaha Married hoon mai.
Mai ne kaha Sorry BAJI
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An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years.
One day, he decided that he would love to plant potatoes and herbs in his garden,
but he knew he was alone and too old and weak.
His son was in college in Paris, so the old man sent him an e-mail explaining the problem:
"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden.
I am sure, if only you were here, that you would help me and dig up the garden for me.
I love you, your father."
The following day, the old man received a response e-mail from his son:
"Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. That is where I have hidden 'the THING.'
I love you, too, Ahmed."
At 4pm the FBI and the Rangers visited the house of the old man and took the whole garden apart,
searching every inch. But they couldn't find anything.
Disappointed, they left the house.
The next day, the old man received another e-mail from his son:
"Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes.
That is all I could do for you from here. Your loving son, Ahmed".
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Dear My Sapno Ki Rani,

KYA KEHNA the first time I saw you, I asked my self HUM APKE HAI KAUN, feeling that KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI so I decided to forward you a PUKAR from DIL SE. I thought that by the way HUM TO MOHABBAT KAREGA…so with my DIL TO PAGAL HAI, I dream to be your HERO No.1 and I’ll make you my BIWI No.1. You might think that I am fooling you as BADAL but remember JHOOT BOLE KAWA KATE. Please JANAM SAMJA KARO that PYAAR KOHI KHEL NAHIN and I admit that Hum DIL DE CHUKE SANAM. I trust AAP MERE HAI SANAM. I believe that HUM APKE DIL MEIN REHTE HAIN for HAMESHA. Remember JAB PYAR KISSI SE HOTA HAI why not AA ABH LAUT CHALEIN and you can come SAAJAN KI BAHON MEI. There is SIRF TUM in my life. If you say YES BOSS, then I will become your JORU KA GULAM . Don’t worry be happy, DHOLI SAJA KE RAKHNA because DILWALE DULHANIYA LE JAYENGE.

KAHO NA PYAR HAI, MERE SANAM.

__________________
ஜ иστнιπg ιš ιмթΘรรιвlε тσ α ωιℓℓιиg нєαят ஜ

Believe it or not!

These questions and answers were collected from GCSE exams!

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.



Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can

be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.



Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.



Q: What is a planet?

A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.



Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.



Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.



Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.



Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.



Q: Give the meaning of the term Caesarean Section.

A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.



Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.



Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport



Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.



Q: What does the word benign mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.



Q: What is a turbine?

A: Something an Arab wears.

__________________
Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice,
because the flow that has passed will never pass again.
Enjoy every moment of life.

I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.

My cooperative wife!

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.

The Officer: "You were going at least 75 km/hr in a 55 zone."

Man: "No sir, I was going 60."

Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."

Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"

Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."

Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."

Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt."

Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your mouth!"

Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"

Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."

__________________
Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice,
because the flow that has passed will never pass again.
Enjoy every moment of life.

I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.

Branded statements.....



Getting caught is the mother of all the inventions.



Advertisement in hospital waiting room: Smoking helps you lose weight... one lung at a time!



Advertisement in a Long Island shop: Guitar, for sale - cheap, no strings attached.



Seen on a bulletin board: Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.



When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.



My grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses. He drinks straight out of the bottle.



Sign in a bar: Those of you who are drinking to forget, please pay in advance.



Sign in a driving school: If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.



Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.



The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.



Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.



Sign at a barber's saloon In Detroit: We need your heads to run our business.



A traffic slogan: Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be.



Sign in a restaurant: All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager.



Sign on a famous beauty parlour window: Don't whistle at the girls going out from here. She may be your grandmother!

__________________
Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice,
because the flow that has passed will never pass again.
Enjoy every moment of life.

I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.

Jokes Of Mr. Bean


1) BRAIN TUMOUR:

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumour.

Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?

Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?

Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!


2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?

Mr. Bean: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?

Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure,
the answer is 6!!


3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:

Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.

Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?

Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!



4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:

Friend: What are you looking at?

Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.

Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?

Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!


5) Marriage:

Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?

Mr. Bean: 16

Friend: Why?

Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and
4worse.


6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?

Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't
see any picture.

Friend: What tape did you took anyway?

Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.


7)DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:

Mr. Beancrying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.

Friend: condolence, my friend.

(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder

Friend: what now?

Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!



8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:

Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs
because of a power failure.

Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3
hrs.


9) Spelling lesson:

Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one
c or two c?

Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

New Definitions

Traffic light:
An object that automatically turns red when your car approaches.


Swimming pool:
A mob of people with water in it.


Self-control:
The ability to eat only one peanut.


Cannibal:
A person who likes to see other people stewed.


Egocentric:
A person who believes he is everything you know you are.


Optimist:
A girl who regards a bulge as a curve.


Magazine:
A bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.


Opera:
When a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding he sings.


Buffet:
A French word that means 'get up and get it yourself.'


Baby-sitter:
A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.


Tattoo:
Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

__________________
Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice,
because the flow that has passed will never pass again.
Enjoy every moment of life.

I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.

Do u know?

18 sardarz go to cinema to watch movie.

Why??

Coz below 18 is not allowed……

__________________
I don't give anyone a reason to HATE ME. They create their own drama out of PURE JEALOUSY...!!!

Captain: Nawjawanu!! Move forward!!
Sardar G didn’t move……
Captain: U didn’t move. Why?
Sardar G: O G u said 9 jawanu I was 10th in the line………

__________________
I don't give anyone a reason to HATE ME. They create their own drama out of PURE JEALOUSY...!!!

Women's version:

Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!


Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror.
I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?


Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut
like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck
with this stuff I think.


Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you
could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I
think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it
would accent my long neck.


Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything
to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder
line.


Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to
have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I
mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had
your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

**********************************************

Men's version:

Man2: Haircut?

Man1: Yeah.

__________________
" Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it ... "
Mohandas Gandhi