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  #831  
Old Thursday, August 29, 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mohsinali303 View Post
Democracy is a system made by man,it has may flaws.
It give equality to voter which is against the natural law.
those who are educated and those who are not educated cant be equal.(as per Quran teachings).

Ideal means perfect without any flaw,so it is not an ideal system because it has flaws.

we have also examples of Saudia Arabia,UAE and many other arab states
having no democracy but best governance system.

while India which is claiming himself "world largest Democracy" has poor governance,law and order etc.

so it is not an ideal system As Pluto in his idea of state claimed that ideal form of government cannot be achieved.

As it is practice in many developed counties so it can be best,but it is not ideal.
Brother, as far as I know the 1 rule for Expansion is: Never go against the topic. if the topic says, Democracy is the ideal system of government, you need to write about it and prove it. others may, of course, differ!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mohsinali303 View Post
Democracy is a system made by man,it has may flaws. It give equality to voter which is against the natural law.
those who are educated and those who are not educated cant be equal.(as per Quran teachings). Ideal means perfect without any flaw,so it is not an ideal system because it has flaws. we have also examples of Saudia Arabia,UAE and many other arab states having no democracy but best governance system. while India which is claiming himself "world largest Democracy" has poor governance,law and order etc. so it is not an ideal system As Pluto in his idea of state claimed that ideal form of government cannot be achieved. As it is practice in many developed counties so it can be best,but it is not ideal.
Brother let me correct your expansion (even if taken as you have taken it)
(1) Democracy is a system made by man, it has many flaws. (Democracy is a man-made system and therefore flawed)
(2) it give equality to voter which is against the natural law. (It gives equality to voters which is against the nature's laws)
(3) Those are who educated and those who are not educated can not be equal. (First of all the Holy Quran has never said this. So you are just twisting the words here. Quran has said: "Surely, those with knowledge and those without can never be equal" (the close meaning). The word knowledge can not be replaced with educated). To play safe, always avoid appeal to religious sentiments, never criticize the government, or ideology of a particular group of people etc.
(4) Ideal means perfect without any flaws, so it is not an ideal system because it has flaws. (Ideals mean perfect and without out any flaws. Therefore, it is not an ideal system because it has many flaws). Above all ideal does not mean without flaws. for example: When we say an ideal candidate, we mean to say that he is the most perfect choice for the position. he may or may not be flawed, but that is what we get under a specific situation.
(5) We have also examples of Saudia Arabia, UAE, and many other Arab states having no democracy but best governance systems. (First of all it is not Saudia Arabia. Rather it is to be written Saudi Arabia. Secondly the structure of the sentence is wrong: We have Saudi Arabia, UAE and many other Arab states, having no democracy but offer one of the best governance systems. Here we come to the point: did you define democracy as a governance system? no I believe! so don't discuss governance systems here)

There are other flaws as well: country is never himself. a country is either neutral or a feminine (mother earth for example) it is herself. It was not Pluto, but Plato etc. Please re-check it and you will do great
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  #832  
Old Thursday, August 29, 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by umarabbas View Post
Brother let me correct your expansion (even if taken as you have taken it)
(1) Democracy is a system made by man, it has many flaws. (Democracy is a man-made system and therefore flawed)
(2) it give equality to voter which is against the natural law. (It gives equality to voters which is against the nature's laws)
(3) Those are who educated and those who are not educated can not be equal. (First of all the Holy Quran has never said this. So you are just twisting the words here. Quran has said: "Surely, those with knowledge and those without can never be equal" (the close meaning). The word knowledge can not be replaced with educated). To play safe, always avoid appeal to religious sentiments, never criticize the government, or ideology of a particular group of people etc.
(4) Ideal means perfect without any flaws, so it is not an ideal system because it has flaws. (Ideals mean perfect and without out any flaws. Therefore, it is not an ideal system because it has many flaws). Above all ideal does not mean without flaws. for example: When we say an ideal candidate, we mean to say that he is the most perfect choice for the position. he may or may not be flawed, but that is what we get under a specific situation.
(5) We have also examples of Saudia Arabia, UAE, and many other Arab states having no democracy but best governance systems. (First of all it is not Saudia Arabia. Rather it is to be written Saudi Arabia. Secondly the structure of the sentence is wrong: We have Saudi Arabia, UAE and many other Arab states, having no democracy but offer one of the best governance systems. Here we come to the point: did you define democracy as a governance system? no I believe! so don't discuss governance systems here)

There are other flaws as well: country is never himself. a country is either neutral or a feminine (mother earth for example) it is herself. It was not Pluto, but Plato etc. Please re-check it and you will do great
Dear brother,

I am very grateful to you for highlighting my mistakes.

Actually my purpose was to share my ideas about this topic,that's why i just shared my thoughts regarding this.

I have a question do you think that it is not a subjective question where Examiner is asking for your comments on this matter by putting ? at last.

please do clear this confusion.
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  #833  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mohsinali303 View Post
Dear brother,

I am very grateful to you for highlighting my mistakes.

Actually my purpose was to share my ideas about this topic,that's why i just shared my thoughts regarding this.

I have a question do you think that it is not a subjective question where Examiner is asking for your comments on this matter by putting ? at last.

please do clear this confusion.
yes it is! Therefore you need to have either a Yes or a No in the end. but, before reaching that part, you will have to define the topic then and discuss both the pros and cons. If you don't do that, the expansion remains inconclusive and un-supported As I said earlier, try not to go against the topic. that is a safe bet.

Furthermore, this is not a political science paper. the checker is not interested in what political views you harbor. He is interested in how able you transform your thoughts into alphabets arranged in a logical (and grammatically correct and structurally sound) manner on the blank paper you received at the start of the paper.
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  #834  
Old Friday, August 30, 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by umarabbas View Post
yes it is! Therefore you need to have either a Yes or a No in the end. but, before reaching that part, you will have to define the topic then and discuss both the pros and cons. If you don't do that, the expansion remains inconclusive and un-supported As I said earlier, try not to go against the topic. that is a safe bet.

Furthermore, this is not a political science paper. the checker is not interested in what political views you harbor. He is interested in how able you transform your thoughts into alphabets arranged in a logical (and grammatically correct and structurally sound) manner on the blank paper you received at the start of the paper.
Omar bahi I have sent you an email.

Please reply that one.
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Old Friday, August 30, 2013
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Default If wants were horses even beggars would ride

Seniors plz check my expansion................

The quotation or saying holds true in human life. Everyone in this world is allowed to wish for anything he likes but the gratification of his wishes depends on the money resources he possesses. If a person have paucity of resources that is if he can not manage for his basic needs like food and a small flat to live in but he is desiring for having a nice big bungalow and an expensive car, his desires will remain merely a dream that can never be achieved in real life.
Similarly if a student wants to become a CSP officer but never pays attention to his studies. He can never clear the CSS exam and hence can never become a CSP officer. So his desires will be left mere a desire. To achieve his wishes, he will have to do hard work. He needs to dedicate himself for his studies. Even though if such a person have abundance of money resources, still he cant gratify his desire of becoming a CSP officer as in that case a beggar is a person who lacks the resource of hard work. The same is the case of a person working in an organization. If he is dreaming of reaching to a high post, he will have to bring all his potentials in action and needs to utilize the resource of hard work. In short, desires are not free horses available to everyone. In order to rid such horses, one needs to have money resources or the resource of hard work. Beggars are required not to desire for those things which can not be achieved in reality.
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  #836  
Old Friday, August 30, 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by engr sarakhan View Post
Seniors plz check my expansion................

The quotation or saying holds true in human life. Everyone in this world is allowed to wish for anything he likes but the gratification of his wishes depends on the money resources he possesses. If a person have paucity of resources that is if he can not manage for his basic needs like food and a small flat to live in but he is desiring for having a nice big bungalow and an expensive car, his desires will remain merely a dream that can never be achieved in real life.
Similarly if a student wants to become a CSP officer but never pays attention to his studies. He can never clear the CSS exam and hence can never become a CSP officer. So his desires will be left mere a desire. To achieve his wishes, he will have to do hard work. He needs to dedicate himself for his studies. Even though if such a person have abundance of money resources, still he cant gratify his desire of becoming a CSP officer as in that case a beggar is a person who lacks the resource of hard work. The same is the case of a person working in an organization. If he is dreaming of reaching to a high post, he will have to bring all his potentials in action and needs to utilize the resource of hard work. In short, desires are not free horses available to everyone. In order to rid such horses, one needs to have money resources or the resource of hard work. Beggars are required not to desire for those things which can not be achieved in reality.
awesome work: for betterment
(1) use gratification of desires rather than gratification of wishes. Desire makes more sense in this case
(2) person have should be person has
(3) add a , after paucity of resources
(4) achieving a dream is improper I believe. realizing a dream or achieving a goal
(5) a person has
you can check further mistakes (if any) through rechecking.

A piece of advice:

the topic is about desires/dreams/ambitions of humans even if they do not have the ability/resources/opportunities to achieve/realize/fulfill them. Therefore, the topic should be that we all have desires/ambitions/needs. Even those, who happen to have no means of fulfilling them. So it should center around that. Anyways, this is an expansion and everybody is entitled to have his/her own opinion.
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  #837  
Old Sunday, September 01, 2013
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@Ummarabbas
Thanks bro for your feedback,,,,,,,,
your essay score in CE-2010 was very good,,,,
would you plz like to share how did you prepare your Essays???????
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  #838  
Old Sunday, September 01, 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by engr sarakhan View Post
@Ummarabbas
Thanks bro for your feedback,,,,,,,,
your essay score in CE-2010 was very good,,,,
would you plz like to share how did you prepare your Essays???????
Sara believe it or not, I appeared 3 times in CSS and 3 times I prepared only one topic for essays: "Women Rights and all the related issues". Since it was a PPP government during those attempts, I was sure that they would include essays about women and their rights and all.

You know the 2010 score already. in 2012 I scored 36 because I cut 3 sides of paper and restarted the topic again *I was not happy with the start I had and wanted it more verbose and zabardast*. I have my fingers crossed for 2013. Do pray please.

As far Essay writing is concerned. you don't need to consult a professor or anybody. Google Zindabad. There are all the Do's and Don'ts of an essay out there. I personally believe, regardless of which topic you choose, the language (easy and not so verbose or gulabi) and flow are the two essential ingredients one must focus on.
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  #839  
Old Sunday, September 01, 2013
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seniors Please check this expansion, as I have no idea of expansion. I do not know whether it be one paragraph or five. I also do not know how to expand idea. seniors check this expansion and make my flaws known. Thanks

GOLDEN RULE IS THAT THERE IS NO GOLDEN RULE

Everyone wants parity in a society. Golden rule demands that everyone treats one another in a manner they want to be treated. Many golden rules had been witnessed in the past. The most common was fourteen hundred years ago. Then it was observed in the later stages of Islamic era. The problem, now, is that there is a change in the habits, moods, and behaviour of the people. They do not want to be treated equally, especially the privilege class. Pakistan’s constitution, say for example, says that every citizen is equal in the eye of law and has right to live freely. However, it is well-established fact that well-to-do have precedence over the hand to mouth in the world in general and in Pakistan in particular. It has been engraved in the minds of the people that everyone should not be treated equally is a golden rule. Similarly, human right commission around the world is of the opinion that people should not be made suffer anything unpleasant. However, these commissions could not improve the condition of miserable people due to mentality of the people. Furthermore, if we are to correct the opinion of the masses that golden rule is not that there is no golden rule then we have to bring the golden rule of Islam into light.. Many powerful nations demand that they must be obeyed, but do not want o be obeyed because of their power and influence over the world. Conclusively, golden rule is not that there in no golden rule rather golden rule is that which stay long because the contents of this rule have the potential to last long.
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  #840  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seher bano View Post
seniors Please check this expansion, as I have no idea of expansion. I do not know whether it be one paragraph or five. I also do not know how to expand idea. seniors check this expansion and make my flaws known. Thanks

GOLDEN RULE IS THAT THERE IS NO GOLDEN RULE

Everyone wants parity in a (the) society. Golden rule demands that everyone treats one another in a manner (that) they want to be treated.

-you have defined the Golden Rule here!

Many golden rules had been witnessed in the past.

-my initial research shows that the Golden Rule is a maxim or an ethical code. So it remains singular. However, there were various exponents of the Golden Rule (Hinduism, Islam, Philosophers etc.).

The most common was fourteen hundred years ago.
-what do you mean to say? The most common Golden Rule? As explained earlier, it is singular. You could say The most prominent exponent was Islam some fourteen hundred years back!

Then it was observed in the later stages of Islamic era.

The problem, now, is that there is a change in the habits, moods, and behavior(s) of the people. They do not want to be treated equally, especially the privilege(d) class.
- I believe only privileged class does not want to be treated equally. Rest everybody wants to be treated equally so the sentence then does not make any sense.

Pakistan’s constitution, say for example, says (states: more appropriate) that every citizen is equal in the eye(s) of law and has (the) right to live freely. However, it is (a) well-established fact that (the) well-to-do have precedence over the hand to mouth in the world in general and in Pakistan in particular. It has been engraved in the minds of the people that everyone should not be treated equally is a (the) golden rule. Similarly, human right (s) commission around the world is of the opinion that people should not be made (to) suffer anything unpleasant.

However, these commissions could not improve the condition of miserable people due to (the) mentality of the people.
-mentality of which people? I am sure you meant the not-so-miserable people but your sentence does not explicitly mention it.

Furthermore, if we are to correct the opinion of the masses that (the) golden rule is not that there is no golden rule then we have to bring the golden rule of Islam into light..Many powerful nations demand that they must be obeyed, but do not want to be obeyed (obey) because of their power and influence over the world. Conclusively, golden rule is not that there in no golden rule rather golden rule is that which stay long because the contents of this rule have the potential to last long.
I have made corrections as far as I could identify the mistakes. As far as the general rules of the expansion are concerned, they are quoted below:
- Single Paragraph
-Limit specified by the question
- Never go against the stated topic

A few points to add after reading the expansion:

(1) Never ridicule or write against your country. This will go against you in the exam.
(2) Secondly you could have written on the lines:
Golden Rule = treat others as you want to get treated
Humans = greedy, self-centered, mean whatever
Therefore Golden Rule does not exist in reality
In the real, Might is Right, money makes the mare go!
Therefore the Golden Rule in life is that there is no Golden rule, especially in todays world of capitalism and consumerism and that Me comes before Us! Every body is for himself. Survival of the fittest

P.S: I cannot comment on the expansion in general, since today is the first time I came to know about the Golden Rule Something added to the knowledge!
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