Hints are given and mistakes are sorted out already.
Your words are 181 only.
Expand it little more. Jot it down between 250-300.
And, you can easily write 260 words on A4 page.
Stay Blessed.

Really a Good Effort my dear..
Some grammatical mistakes..
You have given less room for the second part of the statement in your expansion, and have elaborated the first part more.. Please give a second thought to it..
If you divide it into few paragraphs it could be more better..
The correction of the mistakes you made is as under:
1. Hurts
2. Contain
3. Statements
4. Face
5. The gift of the gab
6. People are admired
7. Had been awarded
8. The gift of the gab
9. Attracted
10. Motivated
11. Is an open secret

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"So my birth was the first of all my misfortunes". (Jean Jacques Rosseou)

AOA everyone, I am new to forum and will appear in CSS 2013.
I am weak in English. I will try few writing in this section.
Please evaluate my writings critically and also give me marks.
Here goes my first expansion. Please check my sentence structure, grammar and more specially my punctuation (I seriously need to work on it)

Man probes into space but not into himself

Indeed the advancements in technology leads human to not only explore this world but also the entire universe. Man reached space and moving further in all dimensions but still he is unaware of himself. While moving towards outer dimensions he forget to feed inner dimensions as ease of technology made him materialistic. Today, a man's body is in ease but his soul is in unrest. One major cause is that he is far from religion - religion - that provides guidelines for nourishing the soul. He rushes towards worldly gains only results in inner pains and emptiness.

His rush towards technology closed the doors of his heart. While exploring universe, he stopped exploring himself - what his soul demands! What his heart in search of! Few decades back when man was not much into technology and advancements, he was more internally satisfied. This was because he was more social, he had more time to spend with his fellow beings, and he was nearer to religion. Though his life was simple without inventions like television or computers but he was satisfied as he was not materialistic in those decades.

By no means it is intended that a man should not go with technology or must stop probing universe. Rather, the need of the hour is to create a balance in life. Beside working for comfort of body and struggling for advancements in space and technology he should also give some time to work for his soul, his inner satisfaction and indeed getting nearer to the religion is the only way to combat this!

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If the above post has any grammatical, punctuation or any other mistake in English please mention it.

All rules are made for the welfare of human being and they are liable to change when it bcomes obvious that they are not serving the pupose for which they are created.So these rules are not perpetual.Man has created these rules in order to regulate his conduct so he is also powerful to modify them.
with the passage of time every thing changes in order to cope with these changes men,s attitude and behaviour also changes .Since rules are made to regulate human bahaviour, so chnages in them are also inviteable. Rules are not perfect piece of paper bec they are man made and are liable to carry errors and imperfections ,which should be corrected with passage of time. Constitutions of countries just become piece of papers when their security is at risk by following them. For example US forign polocy is to support democratic governments of the economiacally weak countries but history reveals that most of us aid was given to pakistan during military rule. Because these military governmaents have done alot for america as compared to democratic governmaents.
So all rules are made by man for his welfare and security and he is liable to change them. these rules are made for human being and whnever it is percieved that any particular rule is going against their interest it is usually voilated or modified.

plz sceniors check my expansion.

.

. A good try.
. Grammatical mistakes are high-lighted, think about them.
. Dear, work on your tenses and sentence structures.
. Try to use simple sentences. Complex sentences give outlet to mistakes.
. Some quotations and examples could flourish your ideas.
. You could tell a lot about the above topic but as it is your first attempt; it is better.
. You had to talk about SELF which I couldn't find.
. Give some relevant examples to beautify the expressions.
. Over-all, it is Good.
. I await your next attempt. Thanks.

Thank you so much for your time That is so kind.


It would be very kind if you write corrections with mistakes as at some places I am unable to figure out what the mistake is.

Tenses table is on my tips, still I make mistakes why is this so!

Are my sentences complex! I don’t think that I can write complex sentences.


From where should I prepare relevant quotations? Please guide.

Sorry didn't get. I read somewhere in the forum that using 'I' in Essay and English is strongly discouraged.

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If the above post has any grammatical, punctuation or any other mistake in English please mention it.

Okay. Just read your expansion and got your point.

Is it necessary to use "SELF" as I already used "Himself" ...

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If the above post has any grammatical, punctuation or any other mistake in English please mention it.

Thanks for saying, thanks.

Hmmm!
1. It doesn't suit to start with INDEED.
2. 'Advancements' is plural so it shall take plural verb LEAD.
3. Man has reached space and is moving further in all dimensions.
4. He forgets
5. Technology has closed.
6. While exploring universe, he stopped exploring himself - what his soul demands! What his heart in search of! Re-arrange it.
7. Beside means at your right side or left, you had to use BESIDES.
8. this! Why is there need of exclamation sign?

.

Beside working for comfort of body and struggling for advancements in space and technology he should also give some time to work for his soul, his inner satisfaction and indeed getting nearer to the religion is the only way to combat this!

It is your single sentence. I said you to make simple sentence. If you make complex and compound sentences, you may make many mistakes. Avoid making large sentences.


Self means 'KHUDI'. I hope, you understand it.

Where should I prepare relevant quotations from? You should use preposition in the end of sentence.
Memorize quotations on different categories. Like; struggle, Religion, love, Self, materialism, and so on.

See them here:

http://www.cssforum.com.pk/off-topic...uotations.html

Regards,

I wish there would be more than one 'Thanks' button

I seriously have issues with this 'has'

Man reached space means "insaan khala tak ja pohncha". Thats what I wanted to say then why this 'has' should be there

Please guide ...

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If the above post has any grammatical, punctuation or any other mistake in English please mention it.

Please evaluate my piece of writing.

The Nearer the Church the Farther From God

By no means living nearer to a holy place is proportional to getting nearer to God. Conversely, living away from the church doesn't make any difference on relationship with God. This pure relationship is not a matter of outer world or physical presence. Rather it is the matter of soul - the soul - that is invisible yet very deep. It is the matter of heart - the heart - where the God resides.

Therefore, for strengthen a relation with God there is a need to work on inner self. There is a dire need to work on 'Self'. As if one finds 'Self', recognizes the demands of soul and hear the voice of heart; is indeed successful in reaching God. It is irrespective of one’s living place.

Baba Bullay shah emphasized in his poetry that praying and worship is useless unless one truly feels a strong relationship with God. Islam says, "Acts depend on intentions" advocating that prayers are of no use until ones soul and heart are not willing for so. And this is only possible when one has a strong relation with his God. Staying inside or nearer to a holy place never guarantees a pure relationship with God as it starts from soul and heart and not from Church, Temple or Mosque.

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If the above post has any grammatical, punctuation or any other mistake in English please mention it.