Dear bro Atif
regarding point no 6 i think some other senior fellow will be in a better position to comment, and indeed it will be an opportunity for both of us to learn something new
regarding point no 4, if something interferes with our work and pleasure then does it mean that it is also causing unwillingness in us to work or is causing sadness in us
regarding point no 5, the word advancing medical sciences is absolutely correct, my concern was regarding the use of '' is '' or '' are '' after it,,,here again i think let us wait for someone's else kind opinion

Thanks ajkhan for your comments.
Here goes my humble analysis,i will not say everything about it is perfect but i have tried.
Well Dr Atif Rana your effort is good,the best part is that you have tried to incorporate every point in your precis.Its a bit lenghty .

The maroon one is your precis and black ink is my point of veiw.

Exrtreme weather conditions cause illness,death,
air and sea accidents, just say accidents(to make it short)
crop failure ,less harvest(crop dont fail )
sadness in mood and unwillingness to work. displeasure and distress.
but studies are carried out to make the weather pleasent in every nook and corner of the world. Avoid idiomatic phrases.say all over the world.
Advancing medical sciences is ,advancing medical science is(i think)
may be in future generation to come find disease of our day in history books ,the sentence seems faulty,dont reproduce the same sentence ,you can say future generation will not be aware of todays disease. or will have no knowledge of present day diseases.
because war destroys the civilization and wastes harwork and talent in man. wastage of resources and potential of man.(abridge it)

Title Weather,the Natural and War,the Man made Calamities,Calamity.
other titles can be
Destructive forces of Weather and Wars
Impacts of Wars and Weather on Human Race


Harsh weather is responsible for numerous problems for man like disease,accidents and death.It results in financial losses,less harvest ,distress and displeasure.It is thought that in future man would be able to control the harshness of weather.One can hope that advacement in medical science will help in finding cure and control for many disease in future.War like adverse weather brings suffering and destruction.It drains resources and annihilates man constructive potential.Its imperative for humans to stop disastrous wars.The conflagration among the nations can only end if there evolves a uniform system of governace around the world.Its only then mankind can utiliize its potential to bring peace and prosperity.(116)

I have written in a hurry any moment my computer can collpase even though i have got it fixed today.So there can be mistakes

@Miss AFRMS
Thank you very much for the appreciation.Next time I will try to write under the word limit.

What I learned here after reading the analysis, I am writting in points.
1.my word limit exceeded the required limit.
2.some spelling mistakes.
3.precis in one paragraph
4.dont be verbose
5.avoid using idiomatic expressions.
6.Use one word substitute.
7.avoid grammatical mistakes.
8.Title should be the theme of the passage.
9.Crops can fail http://www.thefreedictionary.com/crop+failure

I will try to model my precis according to the criteria set by you.Thanks

Thanks to all of you who incorporated their valuable analysis.Especially AFRMS, Adil Memom, and Aj Khan.In future We will be looking for the guidance from all of you.

regards

Dr. Atif,

I hope you are doing well. Dr. Hassan and AFRMS have done the job to a large extent. I will only add.

My suggestions:

Sentence 1: It is over stuffed. Reduce some commas or split the sentence. Besides, I would prefer 'illness' and 'death' over 'illnesses' and 'deaths'. Don't ask me the rules. I don't know them. All this comes from inside.

Sentence 3: Advancing medical sciences ARE. Apart from that, I don't like the idea of medical sciences TRYING to find out things. This credit must be attributed to human beings, not sciences.

Sentence 4: In future... generations to come... This seems redundant. You could have eliminated the words 'in future'. The dot of 'i' in diseases is missing. And I would suggest addition of the word 'only' in the end.

Sentence 5: It could have been further shortened as: "We can only progress by preventing wars". You left many such opportunities above as well. Do you agree?

Sentence 6: Remove 'because' or use it as a conjunction to join it with the preceding sentence. 'Hardwork' is incorrect.

These are just minor mistakes I pointed out in your written English expression. Obviously, many other mistakes have been pointed out by Dr. Hassan and AFRMS, which you must take very seriously.

I do not like your title. You left many opportunities to precise more. You could have easily made it to the word limit but you failed. And I did not like your hand writing much. Though it is legible, it is not attractive. You overwrote twice in 150 words which means you'll overwrite 40 times in an essay of 3000 words. It will look very odd.

In case you have any further queries, you are most welcome.

Regards,

Dr. Hassan,

I agree with you on all counts. Let us see if we have a differing opinion.

Regards,

__________________
"The race is not over because I haven't won yet."

Adil Memon
Police Service of Pakistan (P.S.P)
37th Common Training Program

COUNTERING NATURAL CALAMITIES
Unfit atmospheric conditions cause accidents. Rainstorms, floods, sandstorms and snowfalls bring sufferings and cause irritations for dwellers. Both droughts and floods trouble farmers. Adverse climatic conditions of Arctics, North and South poles, and tropical regions make these domains inhabitable.These inordinatenesses will be controlled one day using atomic power. Recent medical progress is a great achievement. Large number of resources will be used for medication. Many present rife illnesses will be unknown to our future generation. To divert resources for progress, wars must be get rid of; otherwise civilization dilapidation is obvious.Only formation of one world government is the solution to penalize evil nations. Together this idea and efforts for construction, not destruction, can make mankind attain limitless progress. (116 words)

I am fine .Yes, they have virtually helped me a lot.

Agreed.


agreed.
agreed
yes, I agree
agree

I am taking them seriously.In the subsequent precis, I will keep them in my mind.
I have made a new one in a precis that I am posting along with this post after considering all the points that all of you told me .

Yes I agree.I need tips to improve hand writing .

Yes its problem with me that I expand the things rather than condensing and concising.I hope , I will overcome my this shortcomming.
Insha Allah and thanks

Here I am posting my precis after some changes.

.................................................. .........................

Sir
Thanks for comments on my precise. But sir, actually war is not the calamity that is to dealt with. Actually we want to deal with the natural calamities and for that purpose medical sciences and war abolition and one government system are the solutions. I think only NATURAL CALAMITIES is must to be in title.

War is not a natural calamity so title needs improvement

actually war is not the calamity that is to dealt with. Actually we want to deal with the natural calamities and for that purpose medical sciences and war abolition and one government system are the solutions. I think only NATURAL CALAMITIES is must to be in title
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Use Harsh,Adverse,Extreme instead of Unfit


Sir, In given paragraph word used is BAD WEATHER. We cannot turn its meaning into HARSH/ADVERSE which means touching the limit or crossing the limit. Unfit is synonym of bad but harsh is not synonym of bad

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one day by using atomic power

Yes i think both using and by using are correct

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Many present day illnesses


Sir, original para says many illnesses that are present today and are abundant. There rife must not be deleted.

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I have these things in mind about my possible mistakes. More comments please welcomed

@Zaheer

I agree with the first point that natural calamities must be in the title,actually para is about weather and war i.e the problems that come with them.If you like it this way then its ok.

Yes you are right on second point,but if you write harshness etc its not incorrect as well.any variation that gives perfect meaning works.

third ,agreed.

4th point if you dont want to delete its ok with me.

like i said earlier that your attempt is good, and i am not an expert its my humble analysis.
And i also said wait for more comments
and most importantly I am not Sir