Essay practice: CE-21 - Page 2

Silvia Rose · #11 Thursday, May 28, 2020

Quote:

Originally Posted by aishalam

I'll try and give my thoughts on your outline in another post but for now I'd like to tackle the second half of your query namely how to write points in an outline? There are generally two ways to list the points; headings and sentences (I'm including the question statements as a sub-set of the sentences form). Sentences are considered undesirable simply because an outline should tell the reader what points you are going to cover with only a quick glance or a skim read. The CSS exam checkers are infamous for giving marks on the outline alone so this is a very important point to talk about as it effects the overall impression.

Now my personal opinion is that neither method of presenting the points is superior to the other. They both have their inherent advantages and disadvantages. I've developed a general rule of thumb which helps me maintain a good balance; Headings for the main body and sentences for the arguments. Let me give an example. Below is an outline I created as an entry for an Essay competition recently. The topic was "Do we really need literature?"

I.Introduction

II.What is literature?

III.Do we really need literature?

A.Literature as a “mirror”

1.We can recognize and better understand aspects of ourselves.

2.We can recognize aspects of our society and societies gone by.
B.Literature as a “time-machine” and “passport”

1.We can travel through time and observe life, sometimes firsthand, as those that came before us experienced it.

2.We can experience events, cultures and customs from other parts of the world- real and fictional.
C.Literature as a “window” and “lens”

1.We can look out and see the world as other people see it.

2.We can appreciate perspectives other than our own.
D.Literature as a “wise mentor”

1.We can learn tolerance, empathy, and acceptance by reading about other people’s perspectives.

2.We can squash prejudices and biases by reading literature from people outside the groups we belong to.
E.Literature as a “catalyst for change”

1.We can be shown the flaws and injustices in our current status quo.
F.Literature as a “custodian of values”

1.We can use literature as a socialization tool to pass on values from one generation to the next.
G.Literature as an “event simulator”

1.We can be forewarned about consequences through reading about the actions and decisions of others.
H.Literature as a “soothsayer” and “harbinger”

1.We can heed the warnings of the writers before our time that saw faults with our systems more clearly then we can see them today.
I.Literature as an “inspiration”

1.We can draw inspiration from literature for other art forms like film, music, and fashion.

2.We can be inspired by the imaginative thinking of writers to bring about real world innovation and advancements.
J.Literature as an “escape” and “entertainment”

1.We can lose ourselves in the comfort of a good read away from our own sometimes harrowing realities.

2.We can comfortably spend our free time enjoying books.
K.Literature as a “friend”

1.We can form communities of literature lovers online and in real life.

2.We can turn to our books as reliable and infallible friends.

IV.Conclusion

As you can see in the outline above, I've used points formed as "catchy" headings as the main topics and for the sub-topics/arguments I've used sentences in order to better explain how I would be tackling that specific topic. You can adapt this method to essays which wouldn't follow such a simple structure by using headings for arguments and sentences for examples.

Also as to your question about making them more vivid and attractive simply follow a theme or a fun opening that makes it's way through all the points in the outline. You get better at this with practice. Your mind is a muscle and forming links and setting a structure is a specific skill set it needs to learn. The more often you do it, the easier it gets and the quicker you can do it as well.

Thank you so much! I will try to incorporate these things in my essay. Will upload introduction of my essays under this thread to get your feedback. I hope you can take some time out to help struggling aspirants like me. May the Almighty bless you. Aameen!

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aishalam · #12 Thursday, May 28, 2020

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silvia Rose

Thank you so much! I will try to incorporate these things in my essay. Will upload introduction of my essays under this thread to get your feedback. I hope you can take some time out to help struggling aspirants like me. May the Almighty bless you. Aameen!

Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk

We are all here to learn and grow. I'm happy I could help. I try to be active here as much as I can as it's an excellent resource and community if it was brought back from the dead a little. Anyway Thank you so much for the kind wishes!

Innocent Hafeez · #13 Friday, May 29, 2020

Quote:

Originally Posted by aishalam

I'll try and give my thoughts on your outline in another post but for now I'd like to tackle the second half of your query namely how to write points in an outline? There are generally two ways to list the points; headings and sentences (I'm including the question statements as a sub-set of the sentences form). Sentences are considered undesirable simply because an outline should tell the reader what points you are going to cover with only a quick glance or a skim read. The CSS exam checkers are infamous for giving marks on the outline alone so this is a very important point to talk about as it effects the overall impression.

Now my personal opinion is that neither method of presenting the points is superior to the other. They both have their inherent advantages and disadvantages. I've developed a general rule of thumb which helps me maintain a good balance; Headings for the main body and sentences for the arguments. Let me give an example. Below is an outline I created as an entry for an Essay competition recently. The topic was "Do we really need literature?"

I. Introduction
II. What is literature?
III. Do we really need literature?

A. Literature as a “mirror”
1. We can recognize and better understand aspects of ourselves.
2. We can recognize aspects of our society and societies gone by.
B. Literature as a “time-machine” and “passport”
1. We can travel through time and observe life, sometimes firsthand, as those that came before us experienced it.
2. We can experience events, cultures and customs from other parts of the world- real and fictional.
C. Literature as a “window” and “lens”
1. We can look out and see the world as other people see it.
2. We can appreciate perspectives other than our own.
D. Literature as a “wise mentor”
1. We can learn tolerance, empathy, and acceptance by reading about other people’s perspectives.
2. We can squash prejudices and biases by reading literature from people outside the groups we belong to.
E. Literature as a “catalyst for change”
1. We can be shown the flaws and injustices in our current status quo.
F. Literature as a “custodian of values”
1. We can use literature as a socialization tool to pass on values from one generation to the next.
G. Literature as an “event simulator”
1. We can be forewarned about consequences through reading about the actions and decisions of others.
H. Literature as a “soothsayer” and “harbinger”
1. We can heed the warnings of the writers before our time that saw faults with our systems more clearly then we can see them today.
I. Literature as an “inspiration”
1. We can draw inspiration from literature for other art forms like film, music, and fashion.
2. We can be inspired by the imaginative thinking of writers to bring about real world innovation and advancements.
J. Literature as an “escape” and “entertainment”
1. We can lose ourselves in the comfort of a good read away from our own sometimes harrowing realities.
2. We can comfortably spend our free time enjoying books.
K. Literature as a “friend”
1. We can form communities of literature lovers online and in real life.
2. We can turn to our books as reliable and infallible friends.

IV. Conclusion

As you can see in the outline above, I've used points formed as "catchy" headings as the main topics and for the sub-topics/arguments I've used sentences in order to better explain how I would be tackling that specific topic. You can adapt this method to essays which wouldn't follow such a simple structure by using headings for arguments and sentences for examples.

Also as to your question about making them more vivid and attractive simply follow a theme or a fun opening that makes it's way through all the points in the outline. You get better at this with practice. Your mind is a muscle and forming links and setting a structure is a specific skill set it needs to learn. The more often you do it, the easier it gets and the quicker you can do it as well.

aishalam, thanks for sharing your way of handling essays, it is perhaps new technique i am seeing, but quite helpful. Kindly, check my outline and introduction to this topic. Your valuable suggestions are awaited. Request: If possible, make outline of single topic, this would help us choose the best one.
How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan?
Outline
1. Introduction
Thesis statement: Given the scope and significance of digitalization, it will undoubtedly prove conducive for social and economic development of Pakistan.
2. defining the concept
3. different forms of digitalization
4. scope of digitalization in modern times
5. Can digitalization help in socioeconomic development of Pakistan?
Yes, digitalization can really help in socio-economic development of Pakistan by:
5.1 ensuring quick delivery of services
5.2 helping advance communication tools
5.3 modernizing education system
5.4 coping with diseases and environmental disasters
5.5 fostering electric finance
5.6 boosting export sector
5.7 providing new job opportunities
5.8 strengthening national security
5.9 improving production techniques in agricultural and industrial sectors
6. An overview of current position of digitalization in Pakistan
Pace of digitalization in Pakistan is slow and unsatisfactory due to:
6.1 lack of resources
6.2 illiteracy
6.3 poor access to technology
6.4 cultural constraints
7. Ways to deal with problems and ensure digitalization in Pakistan
7.1 political will of concerned authorities
7.2 manage economic crisis
7.3 spread effective education
7.4 invest on information technology
7.5 address concerns of local industry
8. Conclusion
Essay
Digitalization is one of the aspects of modern technology. It is considered the key to nation’s development at social, political, economic and cultural levels. It influences states and their policies through its various forms and outlets. Its scope and significance cannot be denied, especially in this time and age, as it has turned the world into a global village. In countries like Pakistan, digitalization can play a conducive role for socio-economic progress of the country. If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. Besides, it will maximize job opportunities and will strengthen country’s security and education system. In addition, it will foster state’s trade via new and improved production technique, which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture. Though policy makers have taken some initiatives to expedite digital system in the country, its pace and progress remains slow due to certain impediments. Addressing these hurdles will require a pragmatic approach to ensure an effective and sound digitalization of the country.

Fahadafridi89 · #14 Friday, May 29, 2020

I attempted an essay of " Promoting tourism in Pakistan: opportunities and challenges"

As it is a expository not an argumentative or persuasive essay, i made my TS:

" Pakistan has lot of opportunities as well as challenges to promote tourism."

Is this a valid thesis statement?

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The dream of rain · #15 Friday, May 29, 2020

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez

aishalam, thanks for sharing your way of handling essays, it is perhaps new technique i am seeing, but quite helpful. Kindly, check my outline and introduction to this topic. Your valuable suggestions are awaited. Request: If possible, make outline of single topic, this would help us choose the best one.
How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan?
Outline
1. Introduction
Thesis statement: Given the scope and significance of digitalization, it will undoubtedly prove conducive for social and economic development of Pakistan.
2. defining the concept
3. different forms of digitalization
4. scope of digitalization in modern times
5. Can digitalization help in socioeconomic development of Pakistan?
Yes, digitalization can really help in socio-economic development of Pakistan by:
5.1 ensuring quick delivery of services
5.2 helping advance communication tools
5.3 modernizing education system
5.4 coping with diseases and environmental disasters
5.5 fostering electric finance
5.6 boosting export sector
5.7 providing new job opportunities
5.8 strengthening national security
5.9 improving production techniques in agricultural and industrial sectors
6. An overview of current position of digitalization in Pakistan
Pace of digitalization in Pakistan is slow and unsatisfactory due to:
6.1 lack of resources
6.2 illiteracy
6.3 poor access to technology
6.4 cultural constraints
7. Ways to deal with problems and ensure digitalization in Pakistan
7.1 political will of concerned authorities
7.2 manage economic crisis
7.3 spread effective education
7.4 invest on information technology
7.5 address concerns of local industry
8. Conclusion
Essay
Digitalization is one of the aspects of modern technology. It is considered the key to nation’s development at social, political, economic and cultural levels. It influences states and their policies through its various forms and outlets. Its scope and significance cannot be denied, especially in this time and age, as it has turned the world into a global village. In countries like Pakistan, digitalization can play a conducive role for socio-economic progress of the country. If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. Besides, it will maximize job opportunities and will strengthen country’s security and education system. In addition, it will foster state’s trade via new and improved production technique, which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture. Though policy makers have taken some initiatives to expedite digital system in the country, its pace and progress remains slow due to certain impediments. Addressing these hurdles will require a pragmatic approach to ensure an effective and sound digitalization of the country.

Brother, first, sorry for being late and inactive. I am unwell these days. Surely, will catch up with you guys as soon as i get fine.
Thanks for mentioning me earlier
Here are my thoughts to this:

Outline is really good. what i'm going to tell is just a refinement.

"5.1 ensuring quick delivery of services" (You can rephrase it like ensuring quick services delivery. It reduces words count and make it easy to catch).

"5.4 coping with diseases and environmental disasters" (these, diseases and environmental arguments, could be made into two separate headings. It would make it specific and give weigh to your arguments).

"5.5 fostering electric finance" (This is bit ambiguous. you should reconsider altering words).

I feel 5.9 should comes before/after the 5.6, considering the sequence of arguments. Give it a hard gaze you will get it.

"6.3 poor access to technology" ( this could be changed into inaccessibility to technology).
"6.4 cultural constraints" (Its pretty much broad and unclear. It would leave a good impact if you be specific, direct and clear to the reader).

Coming to the Introduction:
"It is considered (as/to be) the key to nation’s development..."
"...as it has turned the world into a global village." (After this and before TS more subject matter can be added to create interest for the reader).
"In countries like Pakistan, (It would be better if you make it like, In a country like Pakistan... It will narrow down reader's attention the topic and your arguments as well)digitalization can play a conducive role for socio-economic progress of the country."
P.S. If i had missed something other members (esp., @Aishalam) will express their thoughts.
Hope it helps!

aishalam · #16 Friday, May 29, 2020

I shall cover @SilviaRose outline before moving on to the next just so I have a system to remember which ones I've commented on and which I have not. @Silvia remember these are my thoughts and comments. Feel free to ask any questions you might have. I hope you find my thoughts helpful.

Also @thedreamofrain hope you feel better soon!

A) Introduction
Thesis Statement:
Although there are many factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed, however, digitalization can play a pivotal role in socioeconomic development in Pakistan.

B) What is meant by digitalization?
i) Definition and basic elements
ii)Difference between digitalization and digitization (not exactly necessary but you can include it if you want.)
iii) Status of digitalization in Pakistan I agree with the comment before that this should be a seperate point in the outline because it's actually really relevant to the topic. You have been asked How far digitalization can help with the socio-economic development in Pakistan so to get to that you need to establish what the current situation in Pakistan is so that when you talk about recommendations your points are more grounded in reality.)

C) How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan? (I think it would be best if you divide this topic into two parts before giving the sub-topics. The two sections would namely be Social development and economic development. This would make your outline a little more coherent and when you are writing your paragraphs it would help you give context better with the social development topics grouped and economic development topics following them. If there is an aspect which overlaps word the sub topic in the sections so that there is a point in each.)

i) As a driver of economic growth and development (how? That's exactly what they are asking. This is not an argument this is the point you are trying to make.)
ii) Improved quality of education through the deployment of latest technologies
iii) A better healthcare monitoring and control system (more examples: better healthcare response time with emergency response teams being utilized more efficiently like the 911 dispatch system in the US)
iv) Promotion of tourism industry through the use of digital technologies (how? Be more specific.)
v) The implementation of E-democracy (good but include how it would improve social development. You've established that pattern in the points above i.e. including both the mode as well as it's benefit so try to have consistency)
vi) Bridging the digital divide through the development of digital infrastructure (good point but needs a little rewording so that it's clearer at first reading how this helps the social/economic development)
vii) The development of digital competency among organizations (what will this do? How will this help? Make it clearer in the statement.)
viii) The implementation of digital workplace concept
ix) As a source of ecological and environmental protection (interesting I wouldn't have thought of that but how? Again be more specific.)
x) As a source of employment

D) What are other factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed? (this portion is completely unnecessary. It reads as a filler. Have more faith in your writing abilities that you'll be able to chug out a 2500 word essay with the arguments that you have. Do not add points in the outline simply to add some "padding". It's very easy to see when it is done and it loses you marks right off the bat. They have asked a very specific thing in the topic- stick to it as if your life depends on it.)
i) Fair distribution of resources among the citizens
ii) "The lower the population, the higher the development"
iii) The current status of economy within a country
iv) The nature of institutions within the country

E) What can be done to promote digitalization in Pakistan? (good portion. Could be made stronger if the state of digitalisation in Pakistan currently topic is added right before it. Also if would be very pleasing from a symmetry pov if you correlate this recommendation portion with the C topic before. I'll explain what I mean in a seperate comment after this. I wrote out a full explanation for someone let me just find it since it was a lot clearer than I can manage at near midnight. **)
i) Increased investment by the government in the digital sector
ii) The access of proper digital training to all citizens
iii) Incentives for using technology to reach certain milestones

F) Conclusion

aishalam · #17 Friday, May 29, 2020

(continued from **)One tip on how to improve this would be to create a symmetry in the listing. For example, if you have improvement in the healthcare sector as the third point in section C then recommendations on how to achieve this specofic goal would look nice at 3 as well in section E. If noted by the examiner this would definitely boost your points since it shows that you were willing to go the extra mile in the arrangement and if not noted then subconsciously it still creates a good overall flow and connection in the Outline. Another thing that these listings can help you with is come up with more points. If I was tackling this essay, in the brainstorming stage I would create two columns at the back of the worksheet and title them; development possibility and Recommendation. So now for every development possibility, I would try to look for a corresponding course of action that would help improve and implement digitalization to achieve that specific goal. Not all points I realise fit as neatly into this so you can list them at the very end. After I've brainstormed this list would also help me easily see which ones are economic and which owes social and also which are "stronger" as arguments so you can out them first in the outline.

Final thoughts: I think you've done a pretty good job. You just need to practice a little more. Believe me if you could see my essays in the beginning everyone here would die laughing. Writing is something you get better at the more you do and it's good to share and get feedback so that we can all support and learn from each other. I hope my comments have helped. Thank you for sharing your outline!

The dream of rain · #18 Saturday, May 30, 2020

Political polarization: Issues and challenges for democracy in Pakistan

1. Introduction
2. What is political polarization?
3. Is Pakistan politically polarized? Yes, how:

a. Presence of various factions: Government vs. Anti-government
b. Divisions in ruling coalition government
c. Inclination toward personalities

4. Issues:

i Political polarization
ii. Limited accountability
iii. Election meddling
iv. Media clampdown
v. Bad governance
vi. Political instability
vii. Institutional conflicts: Judiciary vs. Military

5. Challenges:

i. De-polarizing political environment
ii. Initiating across the board accountability
iii. Making elections transparent
iv. To free media
v. Good governance
vi. Bring political stability

6. Conclusion

Fahadafridi89 · #19 Saturday, May 30, 2020

Quote:

Originally Posted by The dream of rain

Political polarization: Issues and challenges for democracy in Pakistan

1. Introduction

2. What is political polarization?

3. Is Pakistan politically polarized? Yes, how:

a. Presence of various factions: Government vs. Anti-government

b. Divisions in ruling coalition government

c. Inclination toward personalities

4. Issues:

i Political polarization

ii. Limited accountability

iii. Election meddling

iv. Media clampdown

v. Bad governance

vi. Political instability

vii. Institutional conflicts: Judiciary vs. Military

5. Challenges:

i. De-polarizing political environment

ii. Initiating across the board accountability

iii. Making elections transparent

iv. To free media

v. Good governance

vi. Bring political stability

6. Conclusion

Doesn't political polarization mean the polarization due to nationalism, elitism, religious(ism), populism, elitism, socialism, personality(ism) in pakistan context??

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Severe · #20 Saturday, May 30, 2020

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fahadafridi89

Doesn't political polarization mean the polarization due to nationalism, elitism, religious(ism), populism, elitism, socialism, personality(ism) in pakistan context??

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Yes it does.

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The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to aishalam For This Useful Post:
CivilHuman (Friday, May 29, 2020), Silvia Rose (Friday, May 29, 2020), zuneee (Tuesday, September 01, 2020)

The Following User Says Thank You to aishalam For This Useful Post:
Silvia Rose (Saturday, May 30, 2020)