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  #221  
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Originally Posted by Mohammed Uzair View Post
I request you all to please give it a read and apprise me with your feedback
as so for you outline is concerned is impressive enough to insist checker to go through it with interest .
in my opinion ( its my opinion may be i am wrong ) there are some flaws in your essay. which are ..

firstly, where is major issuein your outline,which is still unsolved despite of many resolution (kashmir). it should be discussed in such type of essays.furthermore, UN has become spectator on the issue of terrorism.
secondly, in outline number 6 you missed two important reformation proposals given in past.

thirdly not only reformations but other steps should b included to ensure peace process, which are, implementation of education, economic , alleviating poverty and such other projects can play a vital role to ensure peace in the globe ..... stay blessed
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  #222  
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Originally Posted by alihashmatkhoso View Post
as so for you outline is concerned is impressive enough to insist checker to go through it with interest .
in my opinion ( its my opinion may be i am wrong ) there are some flaws in your essay. which are ..

firstly, where is major issuein your outline,which is still unsolved despite of many resolution (kashmir). it should be discussed in such type of essays.furthermore, UN has become spectator on the issue of terrorism.
secondly, in outline number 6 you missed two important reformation proposals given in past.

thirdly not only reformations but other steps should b included to ensure peace process, which are, implementation of education, economic , alleviating poverty and such other projects can play a vital role to ensure peace in the globe ..... stay blessed
Thank you so much for your feedback. I request Partypooper and others to kindly give their feedback as well.
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  #223  
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TOPIC: More and more international Military Engagement by the UN; is the world moving towards peace





1)Introduction



ď We the people of United nations affirm to prevent the scourge of war, which twice in our life time has brought untold sorrows to the mankind..ĒóUN Charter Preamble



Thesis: United Nations, despite its increasing international military engagements, has not been able to ensure peace. And has belied the essence of its charter.





2)Brief Overview of International military engagements by the United Nations



3)International military engagements by the United Nations and peace



4)How Despite increasing international Military engagements by the UN world is not moving towards peace



(4.1) Plight of Syrians continues unabated despite increasing international military engagements by the UN

(4.2) Yemen crisis continues to fester and the peace still remains elusive despite international military engagement by the UN

(4.3) China remains undeterred in South China Sea

(4.4) Despite UNís involvement in Israel, Israel continues to expand its settlements in Palestine, which has resulted in intermittent clashes between the warring parties

(4.5) Other UNís military engagements and their failure

(1) Peace keeping mission in South Sudan

(2) Peace keeping mission in Columbia

(3) Peace keeping mission in Central African Republics (CAR)



(5) Why despite UNís increasing international military engagement world is not moving towards peace



(5.1) UNSC represents old geopolitical power balance, which affects its effectiveness

(5.2) Disunity among its veto-wielding Permanent members

(5.3) UNís State-centric approach affects its ability to address contemporary challenges, which are largely intra-state

(5.4) Organizational inefficiency and Weak position of UN Secretary General



(6) How Can United nations be reformed to ensure peace in world



(1) Reforming the structure of UNSC in accordance with contemporary geopolitical realities

(2) Restrictions on the exercise of Veto

(3) Revamping the organizational structure to reclaim its efficiency

(4) De-politicization of the post of Secretary General



(7) Conclusion


This essay has a potential to get through if the examiner doesn't find fault with your particular examples of 'UN's military engagements'. The only weakness is the irrelevant bits found in between.

For example the essay would have been complete without the point 2. It appears redundant.

Moreover, in points 5 and 6, you have digressed from the actual topic which demanded that you analyze world peace in context of UN's increasing "military engagements"; you have instead analyzed world peace in UN's context alone (leaving out the military engagements bit and irrelevantly focusing on UN's structure and organization). Let's hope the examiner doesn't notice that.
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Thanks. How could one try to be "generalist" when there is no other option than to treat the subject with its ontological and theoretical debate using the proper terminology (condition of the discourse) and jargon ? Anyway, your feedback is encouraging. You are the only person I came know who understood this essay question. Have you appeared in CSS Exams ? Thanks


Yes, I have appeared in the exam. 2017 was my last attempt.

As for the question regarding how one can be a generalist. That's the whole point, dear. Teach yourself to be mediocre, that's the key to crack this exam.
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Yes, I have appeared in the exam. 2017 was my last attempt.

As for the question regarding how one can be a generalist. That's the whole point, dear. Teach yourself to be mediocre, that's the key to crack this exam.
Thanks. 2017 was my last attempt too. I belong to Sadiqabad, District Rahim Yar Khan. I did BS Electrical Engineering (2005-
2009) from UET, Lahore. I did, then, Masters in English Literature and now starting my MPhil in English Literature. I qualified 2014 attempt but, unfortunately, could not succeed. Essay paper brought me down in 2015. Hoping to succeed in 2017, In Sha Allah.

Please introduce yourself. What's your academic background ? CSS Experience ?
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This essay has a potential to get through if the examiner doesn't find fault with your particular examples of 'UN's military engagements'. The only weakness is the irrelevant bits found in between.

For example the essay would have been complete without the point 2. It appears redundant.

Moreover, in points 5 and 6, you have digressed from the actual topic which demanded that you analyze world peace in context of UN's increasing "military engagements"; you have instead analyzed world peace in UN's context alone (leaving out the military engagements bit and irrelevantly focusing on UN's structure and organization). Let's hope the examiner doesn't notice that.
I totally agree with you. The only reason why i discussed UN's organizational shortcomings and other issues, which though do not seem very relevant with the proposition, was because i believed it played a vital role in the failure of UN's Military engagements. Had UN not been facing these issues, it might have had experienced success vis-a-vis its military engagement. So, i tried to link organizational shortcomings/issues with the failure of its military engagement. Lets hope it works out.
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I totally agree with you. The only reason why i discussed UN's organizational shortcomings and other issues, which though do not seem very relevant with the proposition, was because i believed it played a vital role in the failure of UN's Military engagements. Had UN not been facing these issues, it might have had experienced success vis-a-vis its military engagement. So, i tried to link organizational shortcomings/issues with the failure of its military engagement. Lets hope it works out.


If you believed that the UN's organizational shortcomings were relevant to the failure of its military engagements, you should have made it readily apparent in your outline as well so that the examiner could also see the link between the two.

Best of luck!
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Thanks. 2017 was my last attempt too. I belong to Sadiqabad, District Rahim Yar Khan. I did BS Electrical Engineering (2005-

2009) from UET, Lahore. I did, then, Masters in English Literature and now starting my MPhil in English Literature. I qualified 2014 attempt but, unfortunately, could not succeed. Essay paper brought me down in 2015. Hoping to succeed in 2017, In Sha Allah.



Please introduce yourself. What's your academic background ? CSS Experience ?


I am a physician, graduated from one of the top public medical colleges, doing post-graduate residency in a public hospital. Took 13 and 15 attempts. Failed in essay.
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If you believed that the UN's organizational shortcomings were relevant to the failure of its military engagements, you should have made it readily apparent in your outline as well so that the examiner could also see the link between the two.

Best of luck!
Yeah i tried to by giving the following heading:

"(5) Why despite UNís increasing international military engagement world is not moving towards peace"


Thanks Buddy, i wish you all the best too, inshaAllah you will make it this time
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