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Mein Pal do Pal ka shayir hun..Pal do pal meri Kahani hai:) Mein Pal do Pal ka shayir hun..Pal do pal meri Kahani hai:)

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  #111  
Old Monday, February 11, 2013
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Originally Posted by dr umar amir View Post
salam farah g , umeed hay app ki poetry may mazeed nikhar ayaga, may apni poetry ki book answoon ki barish may ki ye poetry app ka nam kerta hon, kunka app ki poetry bhi dil jali qism ki poetry hay.
kis trah jionga may taray baghair
zindagi kat thi nahi tray baghair
soch ker likta hon kuch laikin magar
likh nahi sakta hon kuch taray baghair
jab bhi tum yadon may atay ho maray
bhol jata hon may sab taray baghair
dil churana koi tum say seikh lay
dil laga sakta nahi taray baghair
dard ko kaisay may keh dalon tujay
dard hay sab ko magar taray baghair
zinda hay amir ye tum bhi daikh lo
ye bhi ji skata hay abb taray baghair
Bhai Gee , apki shayri main Wazan ki bohat kami hai.... Radeef Kafiye ka khayal rakhain... aur dosri baat ghazal aur nazam ka farq samghain aur kisi achay ustaad se islah bhi lain... phir book chupwaein....

Bura mat maniye ga dar-asal meine aap ke faiday ke liye apko mashwara diya hy... agay aap jaisay behtar samghai waisa e karein... Likhtay rahye...

ALLAH apka hami-o-nasar ho kamyabiyan aur taraqiyan de...
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  #112  
Old Monday, February 11, 2013
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ھونٹ سوکھے ہیں آنکھ میں نمی سی ہے
میں ادھورا ہوں - کوئی کمی سی ہے

وقت چلتا ہے مگر میری سوچ کی سوئی
کسی گزرے ہوئے لمحے پہ تھمی سی ہے

وہ جس نے پلٹنا ہی نہیں اس کی خاطر
نگاہ ہے کہ چوکھٹ پہ جمی سی ہے

سوچوں تو وقت نے مار ڈالا ہے مجھے
دیکھوں تووقت کی سانس بھی تھمی سی ہے

اک تیرے مقدرمیں ہی نہیں لکھی تنہائی فیصل
یہ اذیت تو شاید باہمی سی ہے


شاعر: محمد فیصل الاسلام
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  #113  
Old Thursday, February 14, 2013
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salam fassi bahi app ki bath teek hay,app zara islah farma day,tab may manoga.yar i have secured 80 percent marks in urdu paper,app islah farmaingay.thu app ki bat may wazan hoga,other wise app ki bat bhi mujay baywazan lagaygi,thanks
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  #114  
Old Sunday, February 17, 2013
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Originally Posted by dr umar amir View Post
salam fassi bahi app ki bath teek hay,app zara islah farma day,tab may manoga.yar i have secured 80 percent marks in urdu paper,app islah farmaingay.thu app ki bat may wazan hoga,other wise app ki bat bhi mujay baywazan lagaygi,thanks
Umar sahab shayd apko meri bat buri lagi....

Apki ghazal main Islah ki bohat ziyada gunjayash hy... kisi achay ustaad ko dikhana woh batye ga apko.... chalain jitna mujhe samgh aata hy main utna isko theek ker daita hun apnay hisab se ... baqi itna time b nai hy mere pass 23 se papers hyn na mere phir bhi apke liye thori si islah neechay di gai hy...


Quote:
Originally Posted by dr umar amir View Post
kis trah jionga may taray baghair
zindagi kat thi nahi tray baghair
Kis Tarha Main Jion Ga Bhala, Teray Baghair
Hy Meri Sans Sakin Mere Hamnwa Teray Baghair


Quote:
Originally Posted by dr umar amir View Post
soch ker likta hon kuch laikin magar
likh nahi sakta hon kuch taray baghair
Yeah shair bohat hi kamzoor khalayat, wazn ka hy keh isko ghazal se e nikal dena chahiye

Quote:
Originally Posted by dr umar amir View Post
jab bhi tum yadon may atay ho maray
bhol jata hon may sab taray baghair
Jis Lehaz, Tum Dhayan Main Aatay Ho Meray
Bhool Jati Hy Hr Khawhish Hr Dua, Teray Baghair

Quote:
Originally Posted by dr umar amir View Post
dil churana koi tum say seikh lay
dil laga sakta nahi taray baghair
Yeah shair bhi bohat hi kamzoor khalayat, wazn ka hy keh isko ghazal se e nikal dena chahiye

Quote:
Originally Posted by dr umar amir View Post
dard ko kaisay may keh dalon tujay
dard hay sab ko magar taray baghair
Yeah shair bhi bohat hi kamzoor khalayat, wazn ka hy keh isko ghazal se e nikal dena chahiye

Quote:
Originally Posted by dr umar amir View Post
zinda hay amir ye tum bhi daikh lo
ye bhi ji skata hay abb taray baghair
Waqt Ki Rou Ke Sath Beh Gaya Tera Dard Bhi Dil Se
Dekh Main Ab Ge Skta Hun Tere Bina, Teray Baghair
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  #115  
Old Thursday, March 07, 2013
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Default sorry sir
salam app nay jo islah ki hay is may qafia radeef aur matla aur maqta kahan hay sir app bhi mazaq ka mood hay
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  #116  
Old Friday, March 08, 2013
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AoA, mjhe kuch khas ilm to nahi hai shairi ka, han magar college k zamanay ma thori bohat, tuk bandi ker lia krta tha, or baaz oqat mushairon ma b chala jata tha, kuch barre shora akram se milne ka sharf bhi hasil hua. Baherhaal, aap logo k liye mukhlisana mashwara hai k ager aap ghazlia shairi krna chahte hen to lazmi "Arooz" seekhye. kiunkay us k baghair ghazal ma wazan peda hona namumkin hai. albata azad nazm likhne mai koi qabahat nahi.
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  #117  
Old Friday, March 08, 2013
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salam app nay jo islah ki hay is may qafia radeef aur matla aur maqta kahan hay sir app bhi mazaq ka mood hay
bhai tum sirf ghussa kar rahe ho.... jo apke ashar ki maine islah ki yahan kisi b banda-e-zauq se pooch lo woh aapki INDIAN FILMON jaisi 3rd class shayari se bohat behter hy....

mera maqsad apki tazheek karna nahi tha na hy... lakin insan agar apnay ander se ghaltion ko na nikalay to bara insan nai ban skta aur shayar ki shayri main wazn na ho to woh shayr e nahi hota... Mazeed yeah keh maine apko batya tha mere papers hyn time kam hy jitna hua tha kar dia...

aur matla hy MAQTA nai hy aur MAQTA zaroori b nai hy.... aap gr iss tarha ki shayri ki book publish karwao gy to shayad apko ziyada pazerai na mil sakay... ALLAH apka hami-o-nasr ho.
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  #118  
Old Friday, March 08, 2013
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Originally Posted by fassi View Post
ھونٹ سوکھے ہیں آنکھ میں نمی سی ہے
میں ادھورا ہوں - کوئی کمی سی ہے

وقت چلتا ہے مگر میری سوچ کی سوئی
کسی گزرے ہوئے لمحے پہ تھمی سی ہے

وہ جس نے پلٹنا ہی نہیں اس کی خاطر
نگاہ ہے کہ چوکھٹ پہ جمی سی ہے

سوچوں تو وقت نے مار ڈالا ہے مجھے
دیکھوں تووقت کی سانس بھی تھمی سی ہے

اک تیرے مقدرمیں ہی نہیں لکھی تنہائی فیصل
یہ اذیت تو شاید باہمی سی ہے


شاعر: محمد فیصل الاسلام
حضور ! آپ کی اپنی غزل میں بحر نام کی کوئی چیز نہیں، معذرت کے ساتھ۔۔
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  #119  
Old Friday, March 08, 2013
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درمیاں فاصلے ہیں، دوری ہے۔۔
دل میں جذبوں کی ناصبوری ہے۔۔

میں تمہارے بغیر آدھا ہوں
اک کمی ہے جو مجھ میں پوری ہے۔۔

ہاں میں مجرم ہوں جرم ِ چاہت کا
ہاں میرا جرم بے قصوری ہے۔۔

ہاں فقط تم میری محبت ہو
کیا یہ کہنا بہت ٖضروری ہے؟؟

کونسا اختیار؟؟ کیا مرضی؟؟
یاں فقط رب کی جی حضوری ہے۔۔

آ تبسم سے اختتام کریں
درد کی داستاں ادھوری ہے۔۔

شاعر: سفیر حسین صفیؔ
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  #120  
Old Saturday, March 09, 2013
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