Ada Zuhaib I have written down two expansions please check them out deeply and critically and let me know that which is the best and how to write down it. Means give me your precious hints.

And please point out my mistakes and correct them it is my humble request.

Thanks ada zuhaib may Allah bless you and your sis will be looking for your help for some days



Honesty is a best policy

First.....It is my own analysis

It is a true and universal reality that honesty is the best policy. Dishonest people can not be a honest because he is not honest with himself. If a person who does not to be honest that means he has not firm belief upon Allah. He can hurts his friends, lover, and family members any time. In this regard there is a famous story. Once upon an axe man who used to go in jungle for his labour work in order to fulfi the basic needs of his little family i.e. food, clothes and shelter. However, in jungle he lost his an axe and became very sad and cried for it. Because he was honest and true man. Suddenly, an angel in dress of a man came and gave him an axe which was made of gold. The angel said him 'o young man I got it along the riverside. It is yours you may get it" but the axe man was very honest he looked at axe and told him that it was not his because his axe was old. Right after that, angel went and brought the axe which was of the axe man. The axe man got his axe and thanked God. Therefore, it is a lesson for us. That we must be honest. If we get any thing unfairly we must not to accept it because honesty is the best policy.


Second.....I had listen this story in my school

It is universal truth that honesty is the best policy. If a person who is not honest that means is not honest with himself. Today people are killing another people because of wealth. The fellow friends who are considered the dearest, some times they hurt us by doing unfair. Because they are not honest with us. And it is a bitter truth. Beside this, a severe circumstances takes place and a honest person becomes dishonest. The reason can be her lack of belief in Allah and himself. Today people are being killed, women are being hurt, innocent are being guilty unfairly. The person who does these sorts of things are not afraid of God. Because he does not have the value of honesty. If a person do bad deed in this world. He never be skipped form God. Finally he will have to be punished by Almighty Allah. Therefore, It is, quite simple and clear that a person do better for others he will get good results, will be awarded heaven. So every body has to be honest with himself, to others. So that he can earn the right rewards which are mentioned in Quran and Hadith. Thus, it is certainly true that honesty is the best policy.

Please rate them which is the best. Which trend would be best to follow.

Honesty is a best policy

First.....It is my own analysis

OPENING SENTENCE SHOULD BE CATCHY. It is a true and universal reality that honesty is the best policy. Dishonest people can not be a honest because he is not honest with himself(DISHONEST PEOPLE SO YOU SHOULD USE ‘THEY’ INSTEAD OF ‘HE’ AS YOU ARE REFERRING TO PEOPLE- PLURAL. THIS SENTENCE IS VERY UNIMPRESSIVE) If a person who does not to be honest that means he has not firm belief upon Allah (WRONG). He can HURT NOT HURTS his friends, lover, and family members any time. In this regard there is a famous story. Once upon A TIME, an axe man who used to go in jungle for his labour work in order to fulfi the basic needs of his little family i.e. food, clothes and shelter. However, in jungle he lost his an axe and became very sad and cried for it. Because he was honest and true man. (NEVER START A SENTENCE WITH BECAUSE) Suddenly, an angel in dress of a man came and gave him an axe which was made of gold. The angel said him 'o young man I got it along the riverside. It is yours you may get it" but the axe man was very honest he looked at axe and told him that it was not his because his axe was old. Right after that, THE angel went and brought the axe which was of the axe man. The axe man got his axe and thanked God. Therefore, it is a lesson for us. That we must be honest. If we get any thing unfairly we must not to accept it because honesty is the best policy. (NOT A MATURE EXAMPLE, SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE NARRATING A STORY TO A KINDERGARTEN STUDENT). ALSO ADD AT LEAST ONE QUOTATION.


Second.....I had listen this story in my school

It is A universal truth that honesty is the best policy. If a person who is not honest that means is not honest with himself (WRONG). Today people are killing another people because of wealth (HOW IS THIS RELEVANT TO THE TOPIC). The fellow friends who are considered the dearest, some times (SOMETIMES IS ONE WORD) they hurt us by doing unfair. Because they are not honest with us. And it is a bitter truth. Beside this, a severe circumstances takes place and a honest person becomes dishonest (WRONG). The reason can be her lack of belief in Allah and himself ( IN ONE SENTENCE YOU HAVE USED BOTH HER AND HIMSELF FOR THE SAME PERSON). Today people are being killed, women are being hurt, innocent are being guilty unfairly(WRONG) . The person who does these sorts of things IS not afraid of God. Because he does not have the value of honesty (FRAGMENT) . If a person DOES bad deedS in this world, HE never be skipped form God (WRONG) . Finally he will have to be punished by Almighty Allah. Therefore, It is, quite simple and clear that a person do better for others he will get good results, will be awarded heaven (WRONG) . So everybody has to be honest with THEMSELVES AND to others. So that he can earn the right rewards which are mentioned in Quran and Hadith. Thus, it is certainly true that honesty is the best policy.
WRONG USE OF COMMAS
THIS IS NOT AN ISLAMIYAT EXAM, SO TALK TO ABOUT THINGS TOO APART FROM RELIGION.
GIVE QUOTATIONS AND EXAMPLES
NEVER START A SENTENCE WITH A CONJUNCTION.
INCORRECT USE OF ‘THE’
BE CAREFUL WHEN USING PRONOUNS.
YOU ENGLISH ISNT CORRECT AND YOU NEED TO PROOF READ YOUR EXPANSION BEFORE WRITING THE FINAL DRAFT.

Thanks sister natasha. Now I am getting your point and knowing that where I am lacking. I have written down an other expansion. Please check it out and help me out so that I can be ok in errors.

Cut Your Coat According to Your Cloth

Some people earn little money but they spend more money in their expenditures. Eventually, crisis come into their lives. They become tense and unhappy. As it is well said that cut your coat according to your cloth. Likewise, our current government has been suffered because of corruption, malpractice and bad governance. The current democratic government, usually spends a lot of money on their protocol, privileges and comfort life rather than spend on socioeconomic and growth. Moreover, our ministers either federal or provisional spends a lot of money in the fuel, unnecessary call, comfort houses and other privileges. Then, its effect comes on our economy and government becomes destabilize and goes to down. If our government keep this point in their mind that cut your coat according to your cloth. Then the problems can be resolved effectively.

Zuhaib bhai has blessed you with pretty good analysis of your expansion.. Try to abide by the suggestions he has given you..
Its your first attempt.. There is much room for improvement..
Keep practicing and sharing..
Stay blessed..

__________________
"So my birth was the first of all my misfortunes". (Jean Jacques Rosseou)

Your grammar and sentence structure need much attention of you..
The example of Pak Govt. doesn't suit here..
No quotations..
Have a thorough view of the expansions of Zuhaib bhai and other senior members..
Keep practicing and sharing..

__________________
"So my birth was the first of all my misfortunes". (Jean Jacques Rosseou)

IF YOU WISH FOR PEACE, PREPARE FOR WARPeace is the need of man's character. All the good faith people's are the voters of peace. But peace is directly related to war and both the terms refers to the balance of power. The exact meaning of the phrase is, if one want a consistant and thorough peace, one must be strong and proficient enough to secure it by all time ready to give devestating defeat to its enemy. As Aristotle says : we make wars that we may live in peace.
An appropriate example is the Munich Aggrement ,which depict that hardly an ink of an aggrement had dried, hitler wage a war against britain. And britain suffer becuse of her neglegence.Freedom can only be maintained by guarding it properly, just as eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.
Country's peace can only be secure by thinking about war at the time of peace.Because strong , powerfull and commendable image of a country will let down the ill plans of an enemies. As Johan.F.Kennedy says: It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for wars. American leaders embosed these words and made all efforts to get strong hold on the world and their influence get them on a position of super power. American success is the prime example of the above saying. It can be concluded that peace belong to those only,who secure it by the guards of war.


Members please check it....i want to know that whether i m going in right direction or not.Thank you..

total words are 237.

Sis, Fiaza. Da Skeptic and Natasshaa have guided you well and have checked your both expansions.

Do follow their suggestions.
Ap Bohat Shota sa expansion likh rahy hain, ye mat bholo expansion ki length 250-300 hony chaeye.

Start studying any good grammar book.

Only read, write and get guided. I know you will rock on.

Stay Blessed.

Some people earn little money but they spend more money in their expenditures.( This proverb tells us to live within our means and not to spend more than our resources and pocket allows.) Eventually, crisis COMES into their lives. They become tense and unhappy. As(OMIT) it is well said that cut your coat according to your cloth. Likewise, our current government has been suffered( HAS BEEN SUFFERING/ HAS SUFFERED) because of corruption, malpractice and bad governance. The current democratic government, usually spends a lot of money on their protocol, privileges and comfort life rather than spend on socioeconomic and growth. Moreover, our ministers either federal or provisional spends a lot of money in the fuel, unnecessary call, comfort houses and other privileges( REPETITION IN THREE SENTENCES, YOU CAN JUST SAY THAT OUR GOVERNMENT SPENDS MORE THAN OUR RESOURCES ALLOW INSTEAD OF CUTTING DOWN ON UNNECESSARY EXPENSES AND AS A RESULT OUR DEBTS KEEP INCREASING EVERY YEAR) . Then, its effect comes on our economy and government becomes destabilize and goes to down (WRONG) If our government KEEPS this point in their mind that cut your coat according to your cloth. Then the problems can be resolved effectively.

You need to develop a habit of reading everyday
Your grammar is incorrect, wrong use of prepositions, adverbs, pronouns etc.
Try not to use four of five word sentences.
Relate your examples to the topic and make sure they are relevant
Use at least one quotation per expansion
Start by explaining meaning of the proverb if you don’t want to use a quotation.

IF YOU WISH FOR PEACE, PREPARE FOR WAR

As Aristotle says : we make wars that we may live in peace. (START BY QUOTING ARISTOTLE AND USE QUOTATION MARKS. ARISTOTLE SAID NOT SAYS ). Peace is the need of man's character (??) . All the good faith people's(WRONG) are the voters of peace. But peace is directly related to war and both the terms refers to the balance of power(OMIT) . The exact meaning of the phrase is, if one want a consistant and thorough peace, one must be strong and proficient enough to secure it by all time ready to give devestating defeat to its enemy. An appropriate example is the Munich Aggrement ,which depict (DEPICTS) that hardly an ink of an aggrement had dried, hitler wage (WAGED- PAST TENSE) a war against britain (SHOULD BE WITH A CAPITAL B- PROPER NOUN) . And britain suffer becuse of her negligence (OMIT). Freedom can only be maintained by guarding it properly, just as eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.(OMIT)
Country's peace can only be secure(SECURED) by thinking about war at the time of peace (WHY WOULD A COUNTRY THINK ABOUT WAR AT THE TIME OF PEACE??) .Because strong , powerfull and commendable image of a country will let down the ill plans of an enemies( WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???) . As John.F.Kennedy says (SAID- PAST TENSE) : It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for wars (USE QUOTATION MARKS) . American leaders embosed these words and made all efforts to get strong hold on the world and their influence get them on a position of super power.(WRONG) American success is the prime example of the above saying. It can be concluded that peace belong to those(PEACE CAN BE ACHIEVED) only,who secure it by the guards of war.

THE TWO QUOTATIONS YOU HAVE USED ARE GOOD.
YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR GRAMMAR
SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE NOT GOTTEN THE MEANING OF THE TOPIC. You can argue that this phrase seems like a paradox. Focus of what ‘peace’ means, it refers to tranquility, calm, non violence and to secure peace many nations have to engage in wars (violence). You can discuss America’s war on terror wrt Pakistan. You can also add that man is savage and to bring peace, war is essential. You can choose to either agree or disagree with the topic as long as you justify it.
The example you have given is good but you haven't related it to the topic. You can elaborate on how agreements to bring about peace were futile and war is the ultimate solution to bring about peace and harmony.