Although, i have not attempted this essay, i just tried to put my stance (thesis statement). You can review or disagree.

There's no point to argue that gender equality is a reality. Since, considering the role of women in different strata of life. Women and men in no way are equal, women occupy much higher place than men. Therefore, gender equality remains a myth.

1. Introduction.
2. History of democracy in Pakistan: A bumpy ride.
3. Hopes of democracy in Pakistan: Highlight bright future:
a. Third consecutive democratic transition.
b. Increased voters turnout.
c. Emergence of a new national level political party.
d. Across the board accountability.
e. Smooth civil-military relationships: Recent Pak-India Skirmishes.
F. Political empowerment of minorities.
4. Hurdles of democracy in Pakistan:
a. Poor governance.
b. Corruption.
c. Clampdown on media.
d. In-transparent elections.
e. Politicization of Bureaucracy.
F. Judicial backlog of cases.
5. Conclusion.

My opinion:
Great outline.
1- Never use full-stop in the item of outline. You have used full-stop in each item of outline.
2-Your outline is short. You need to expend it more.

Hope it will help you.

Thanks,
completely agreed that need to expand.

I agree to your point about although. But, what i have learnt is that we use however, to contradict what we have said earlier. here you are talking about new point that is causes so i dont think however should be used. For your purpose of clarification let me quote a pssage from dawn.

The defunct KMC had set up nine watchtowers along beaches with necessary equipment, however, as the time passed, six watchtowers have been destroyed due to negligence by concerned officials.
here you can see however has been used to indicate what is said earlier. I hope you understand.

@The_dream_of_rain and @innocent_hafeez
How will you make conclusion of this essay?

According to me, conclusion should include positive points and suggestions only.

1 Pakistan is a young democracy and demcracy revived since last decade after the termination of Musharraf regime.
2 Democracy will take some time to flourish as in developed countries it took decades to completely known in these countries.
3- Mention some hurdles in summarized way.
4- Now suggestion:- Need political will and everyone needs to play individual and collective role to secure democratic Pakistan. (It can be expanded)
4-Days are close when democracy will enshrine in the land of Pakistan and become fate of it(Ending sentence should be like this)

Aoa people,
First off, I must say you've got a very generous thing going on here with volunteering to check out attempts and practice work. May God bless you all and recompense you with a reward in manifolds. I've also made an attempt, sketchy but a starting point. Please assess.

Let there be more light at the corridors of worship places.

Thesis statement
Religion is a personal matter. Even then, places of worship have the potential to change a nation because they are a rallying force cutting across and dissolving all differences between race, color, creed and caste. A select, misguided few have held religion hostage to their qualms and desires; not only depriving followers of the true taste of religion but also misleading them towards hatred, rigidity, ignorance and ultimately fear.

Outline

Prevailing situation
1. Loudspeaker hate culture
2. Rigid mind-set under the garb of being staunch
3. Above point eventually turns into intolerance towards others

Implications
4. On the brink of abandoning religion like Europe did with Christianity when Church couldn’t reconcile science with religion
5. Lack of compassion
6. Rise in crime
7. Deprived from the rewards and dividends of practicing true religion
8. Breakdown of society in a nation bound and united solely by religion

Factors
9. Binary conception of heaven and hell
10. Poverty leads to asymmetric perception
11. Prevailing elitist ostentation dikhawa culture antagonizes lower-class
12. Lack of actual manifestation of religion in society leads to dearth of actual role models (hence groping in the dark for a leader figure to follow)
13. Some elements posing as highly religious ¬¬—confounding those who follow them
14. Segregation of religion from visual arts leading to inability to grasp abstract concept

Conclusion
The prevailing attitude towards and by worship places holds tremendous potential to enlighten the masses and shine the light on the way paved for their progress. Every member in society must pause and reflect on their current bearings in wading the waters of religion. Man has a tendency to subvert to his will any and everything to satisfy his never ending animalistic desires. It is the suppression and positive channeling of these instinctive impulses that informs our very humanity as being worthy of superseding the angels in magnanimity and loftiness.

__________________
You enjoy life by living, no pay-to-play needed. God hath thee.

Thesis Statement:
Can we use first tense in thesis statement and conclusion? and how long a thesis statement should be? Should I write down the points for essay and then write the thesis statement from these key points or first write the thesis statement, write down the key points and then go ahead with the main essay body writing? Kindly check the below thesis statement for Pollution.

We waste the bounties of nature without a thought that our actions subsequently effect the environment. We are obliged to deepen our understanding of nature to understand how our actions are negatively impacting our environment and what can be done, collectively and individually, to mitigate the our footprints on our habitat. We have a reached to the place where the majority of thinkers link the dome of human race with the environmental pollution.

Thanks in advance

Length of thesis statement:
As far as I know, the length of thesis statement should be 1 to 2 lines only.

Placement of thesis statement:
You can write thesis statement anywhere in the introduction. You can write in start, in the middle or at the end. It depends on the nature of essay. Thesis statement mostly placed in the start of introduction.

Identification of thesis statement:
Thesis statement is self-explanatory statement on a topic. It defines your stance or approach on a topic. Examiner can easily pick it.

Thesis statement of "Pollution":
Pollution is a global phenomenon caused by the direct and indirect actions of humans and it has adverse effect on echo system or global environment.

Hope this will help you.

My opinion:

Nice try but you could not comprehend the topic completely. Topic is "Let there be more light at the corridors of worship places". It means examiner is asking how worship places can be beneficial and pose positive impact on the lives of the people. Furthermore, examiner is asking what can be done to bring positive effects by the worship place on people.
You need to mention positive points of worship places, then suggestions to improve the lives of people, remove the misconceptions, discrimination and biases, and to bring peace and harmony in the human life.

Note: Thesis statement should not exceed 2 lines.
Hope this will hep you.