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  #11  
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Originally Posted by Saba Arif View Post
Youth is the general word so don't use 'youths'.
I will suggest you to write short and simple sentences. There are many logical errors. Focus on grammar-part and sentence structure.
Yes, understood now.
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Yes, understood now.
You can write your short expansions here. I will evaluate them.
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  #13  
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Originally Posted by Saba Arif View Post
You can write your short expansions here. I will evaluate them.
Ok thanks. I have written a short paragraph on illiteracy. Kindly, check it.

Evil of illiteracy

The state of education in Pakistan is in shambles. Though the authorities have taken several steps now and then to raise the standards of the sector, they have yet to yield valuable results. This is a matter of serious concern for education is inevitably linked to other domains of life. Improved quality of education brings positive results in the field of politics and economy. This is why those countries which have higher literacy rate are among the advanced and developed nations.
Hence, this calls for immediate attention to the matter because the country cannot move ahead unless concrete steps are taken to uproot the evil of illiteracy.
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Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez View Post
Ok thanks. I have written a short paragraph on illiteracy. Kindly, check it.

Evil of illiteracy

The state of education in Pakistan is in shambles(don't use this type of words in formal English. You can write words such as 'condemnable', 'deplorable','alarming'). Though the authorities have taken several steps now and then to raise the standards of the sector, they have yet to yield valuable results.(This entire sentence is not conveying true sense that you are trying to unveil...You can write although government has taken certain steps to improve the education status, could not produce productive result) This is a matter of serious concern for(because is right connector ) education is inevitably linked to other domains of life. Improved quality of education brings positive results in the field of politics and economy. This is why those countries which have higher literacy rate are among the advanced and developed nations.
Hence, this calls for immediate attention to the matter because the country cannot move ahead unless concrete steps are taken to uproot the evil of illiteracy.
You need more writing practice. I have highlighted some errors.
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Originally Posted by Saba Arif View Post
You need more writing practice. I have highlighted some errors.
Yes, i think so. I have started focusing on my writing skills. Kindly check this passage

Role of Media


Nevertheless media, being the fourth estate, is responsible to highlight social dilemmas, and raise its voice for their eradication. However, it has failed to do its job. Few days back, I came across an Indian news channel. The newsman was glorifying the Indian soldiers, and condemning the innocent armless Kashmiris as the militants. In fact this problem is not restricted to the Indian media alone, but the media, in general, is no exception with such sort of prejudices. This also indicates of how media swerves from its real object, and supports other than what is humane and just.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez View Post
Yes, i think so. I have started focusing on my writing skills. Kindly check this passage



Role of Media




Nevertheless media, being the fourth estate, is responsible to highlight social dilemmas, and raise its voice for their eradication. However, it has failed to do its job. Few days back, I came across an Indian news channel. The newsman was glorifying the Indian soldiers, and condemning the innocent armless Kashmiris as the militants. In fact this problem is not restricted to the Indian media alone, but the media, in general, is no exception with such sort of prejudices. This also indicates of how media swerves from its real object, and supports other than what is humane and just.
the fourth estate = the fourth pillar of the state

Social dilemmas = social evils

Responsible to highlight = responsible for highlighting

'Responsible to' is used in different context.

Avoid vague references like an Indian news channel, a news anchor etc. Over use of commas and adverbial conjunctions is making the passage a bit redundant.

Hope it helps.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez View Post
Yes, i think so. I have started focusing on my writing skills. Kindly check this passage

Role of Media


Nevertheless media, being the fourth estate, is responsible to highlight social dilemmas, and raise its voice for their eradication. However, it has failed to do its job. Few days back, I came across an Indian news channel. The newsman was glorifying the Indian soldiers, and condemning the innocent armless Kashmiris as the militants. In fact this problem is not restricted to the Indian media alone, but the media, in general, is no exception with such sort of prejudices. This also indicates of how media swerves from its real object, and supports other than what is humane and just.
-----------------------
I will suggest you to write short and simple sentences.
Starting sentence of Introduction should be simple.

The media, being the fourth pillar of state, is responsible to highlight/unveil/expose/ the social problems/evils of society. It is also responsible to eradicate the social evils/problems/issues of society. However, it has been failed to deliver its actual job. Few days ago, I came across to a news on an Indian news-channel where news-caster was glorifying the Indian soldiers for the inhuman acts perpetrated on innocent Kashmiris. News-person was condemning the innocent armless Kashmiris and labeling them as the militants. In fact this problem is not only restricted to the Indian media alone but also world media in general around the world. Media is prejudiced towards the Muslims.
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  #18  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aamish Bhatti View Post
the fourth estate = the fourth pillar of the state

Social dilemmas = social evils

Responsible to highlight = responsible for highlighting

'Responsible to' is used in different context.

Avoid vague references like an Indian news channel, a news anchor etc. Over use of commas and adverbial conjunctions is making the passage a bit redundant.

Hope it helps.

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Thanks for your kind suggestions. I will try to follow them.
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  #19  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saba Arif View Post
-----------------------
I will suggest you to write short and simple sentences.
Starting sentence of Introduction should be simple.

The media, being the fourth pillar of state, is responsible to highlight/unveil/expose/ the social problems/evils of society. It is also responsible to eradicate the social evils/problems/issues of society. However, it has been failed to deliver its actual job. Few days ago, I came across to a news on an Indian news-channel where news-caster was glorifying the Indian soldiers for the inhuman acts perpetrated on innocent Kashmiris. News-person was condemning the innocent armless Kashmiris and labeling them as the militants. In fact this problem is not only restricted to the Indian media alone but also world media in general around the world. Media is prejudiced towards the Muslims.
Thanks for checking my passage again. This time i used precise sentences yet have done some mistakes. Hope to improve next time.
But i didnt understand your sentence 'it has been failed to deliver its actual job'. is it correct? i think it should be ' it has failed to deliver'
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  #20  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez View Post
But i didnt understand your sentence 'it has been failed to deliver its actual job'. is it correct? i think it should be ' it has failed to deliver'
Passive voice u sentence will be used here because object is missing.
So "has been" will be used.
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